Friday, January 6, 2012


It is odd that I should make my morning pages public, by and large they are not supposed to be but I find I write better if I think I am writing to someone other than myself.
After my acknowledgement yesterday I sat and thought for a bit. You see I thought the medication I'm on was supposed to remove those thoughts some how. Make me better but all they do is make it easier to think. Before I went on the Ciprilex my head always felt it was filled with cotton wool. Soft, yeilding but incredibly dense slowing my thoughts down to a crawl or more like a creep you know that roly poly way babies have of getting around until they figure out crawling. Basically it made it hard to think connected thoughts for any length of time. The Ciprilex at least gives me a fairly clear head most of the time so I can tell when I'm going into deep depression and act accordingly.
It is usually about the time my brain goes foggy that I start to need to go out and about. The out and about always helps if only by helping me rest enought that my mind can work through whatever it is that is bugging me. At times it takes a month or more like the last two months since my father died. Christmas was real bad for me this year because of that. It was also a necessary time of healing.
The big thing of course is that he would have been 82 approximatly two weeks after his death. Christmas was a little over two months after his death and for me it was a bad period. I remembered Christmas at their house and finally realized that that wouldn't happen any more.
I also received my inheritance in that time period and ended up having a fight with my daughter over what she feels she is owed. I can not give it to her and I know she carries a lot of resentment because of that. The inheritance was almost all spent before I even got it. $1500 to the Professor for a credit card bill I ran up and another $2500 I asked him to forward to his mother as a payment on the loan she made me to cover my student loan. it is only a partial payment but it is all I could spare.
The remaining thousand I kept and am using it to get some much needed clothiing, bedding and a few things I want like a fridge and a microwave. If there is enough left I want to get an IPad or similar device so that I can watch movies and read in bed instead of having to sit in front of the computer to do these things. Since the IPAD also has the ability to hold music and games it makes it an ideal entertainment system for someone like me who lives in a place where space is limited.
The Professor has suggested that I wait for the new one coming out in the summer as it will be a bit more sophisticated. The main issue for me was rather I wanted a smaller computer to travel with or if I wanted something else. As I am thinking about it I have made my decision, I told him portable entertainment system but I had to define that to myself. I think I have done that. I had thought of maybe getting what the Professor calls a baby laptop but it has a very small screen size and not much oomph so playing videos on it might be a bit problamatic.
Since the IPAD is just a larger slightly more sophisticated version of my IPOD Touch I think it would be perfect but the Professor has suggested I also look at the new Kindle or an Android machine. Frankly I think they are two too small to make reading or watching a video comfortably. Unfortunatly the IPAD is also quite expensive and the price tag frightens me a little lot. It is nearly $800 which doesn't leave a lot of money left for the other things I would like. In fact with taxes it could well come close to the thousand mark all by itself. So I have to choose a sophisticated toy or things that I need and things that are practical.
My sisters spent theirs on stuff I suspect was not practical but I am very practical thanks to the professor. I have actually developed a resistence to spending large sums of money just because I can. That is a good way to end up with a closet full of stuff you have no real use or need for.
Even with getting rid of so much craft stuff over the last year I still have far more than I am ever likely to use. Actually with that in my mind I am thinking that maybe I can reduce my books and craft supplies by half again in 2012. First by not buying anything new until what I have is gone and second by getting my butt busy making the things I have the supplies for right now. I know I have yarn enough for several projects though these days I seem to be making a lot of scarves. Mind I have the looms now so they have become so much easier. And it is not nearly as hard on my hands.
I have the makings of at least two small scall Dioramas here as well. The barbies and the iron craft thing I hope will help me out though I am not sure I'll be able to keep up. Also at least four of the Barbies are pegged for a more personal project, one that has been bugging me been on my mind for awhile.
Specifically a project depicting the four seasons using the Barbies. The costumes and the settings are nebulous in my head still because I have not taken the time to actually write out the vision I have. Just now I thought about Erte and how I admired his style. I may do them in a similar style except mine will be 3D not drawings.
As for the display that is easy I need four backgrounds and I can either build a wooden set or use show boxes or what ever I choose to do. Personally I am thinking about a couple of grocery boxes painted and decorated two seasons to a box . Stack them together and add the dolls in costume. My main problem with that will be where to put the display once it is done but I will cross that bridge when I come to it.
I have also been thinking about a similar projects for the four elements but I only have nine dolls and I need to keep the male and one female for my runway models. Mind I could probably get the two dolls I need at the dollar store for a couple of bucks, comes to that I could probably find boxes there I can use for the displays.
Wow I did a lot of talking today. I would love to keep going but I don't want to bore you to tears

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