Wednesday, January 11, 2012

11/01/2012

To begin to live we must put away our playthings, be they Facebook games or Social Networking. In order to give ourselves some sense of being we need to create. It could be a simple note like this one or a cloth doll or even knitting a blanket. In each case we are required to use our hands for something else besides clicking mouse buttons and our heads for calculating how many burners of what type we are going to need to finish our current catering order.

Strange as it may seem it was not until last night when I was unable to connect to Cafe World that I began to realize just how much time I had been investing in that game. Now I am trying to avoid playing but I can feel myself getting ready to type in that URL and catch up from where I left off to where I expected to be today. Thing is there is really nothing in my life that currently requires my attention as much as Cafe Worl except my cat.

I sleep until I wake up, I take care of Cooper and make my coffee. I come here and do my 750 word Daily pages, I check my email, drink my coffee then settle in for a full day of playing Cafe World which despite all of the problems fascinates me. Perhaps an off shoot of my oft repeated dream to run a real life Cafe even though I know physically right now I would not be able to manage the work required. Maybe later when I become slimmer and get some of my energy back, at least that is my hope. Again I think I plan but action eludes me. It is easier to sit in this chair and play my game all day.

Cooper is not a demanding cat but at least three times a day he will get between me and the laptop to be petted, his way of saying I need a break. I am usually grateful but sometimes if I'm in the middle of something it pisses me off. Poor Cooper he never knows if he's gonna get petted or cursed and put down on the floor. Sometimes I'm not sure myself.

I thought I would have a lot to say today but I am only half way through and inspiration is running thin, another effect of playing the game all day, I'm either talking about it or I'm talking about Cooper. I have a couple of friends here but I am not a social person I prefer my own company to that of others. I read and I write and I play my game, I talk to the Professor for about an hour a day or rather he does the talking most of the time. Irregardless my life is uncomplicated, if I could get past the guilt of wasting my time playing a game and start doing other stuff I have waiting for me to do I would be perfectly happy at least for this season in my life. It is the guilt thing that I have a hard time dealing with. There are others who tell me I should be more active, I should spend less time playing and more time working except that I have no work except for my game. Crafting is supposed to be fun not something you have to do, yet I know people who treat it like a job or have turned it into their job. Sometimes I think I would like to be like that but other times I am glad I am not.

My way of living doesn't make a lot of sense to overachievers like the Professor, or busy parents like my daughter or even singles like my friend Bella who works because she has to pay her rent. I am lucky in that I suppose, I got a nice place in a good neighborhood that doesn't cost me every cent I have coming in. I think about going back to Toronto, (that is where they live), and I change my mind a dozen times in a minute. I miss the Professor and Bella, I even miss roundhead once in awhile but I do not miss the stress on achievement or the high price of living there. This city may be way smaller and sadly way poorer than Toronto but I like it here.

If I need food or clothes or even company there are places I can go that do not cost a whole lot of money to go to except maybe a bus ticket. I miss my friends but I do not miss the go go lifestyle. Neighbor is fussing cause my dishes are in the sink so he can't do his but I got to wait until the water is cool enough it won't burn me while I wash them. This floor is a whole lot different than the basement but I am getting used to it. The big thing is that Cooper is safe here. He is the only cat on the floor so he doesn't have to fight which is good considering that his first owner took out his front claws

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