Wednesday, January 25, 2012

24/01/2012- Explict

Just when I think things can't look any worse up comes Bertie with news that I could have used a month ago. If I had wanted to I did not have to gather and turn in all those receipts. I would have to live off the $5000 for two or three months but that would not have been so bad, its a lot more than I was living on before. Even with those receipts they can end my OW assistance for those two or three months rather I like it or not, then what do I do?. My meds cost a couple of hundred a month plus my rent is $435, thankfully I don't have any other bills to worry about except the cell and the professor holds that back every month anyway since it is on his credit card and groceries. I am learning to take family sized meals and portion them into four meals or so for myself. The freezer is incredibly useful for that.But I don't have any of it left, what do I do ask the Professor or the Italian for the money I gave them back? Take the microwave and toaster oven back and get my money back for them? How am I supposed to pay my rent or eat or get my meds? I hope I do not have to find out, I really do. My rent is up to date thankfully but I don't want to have to deal with an eviction notice or cause Warner trouble that way, he is a pretty good landlord and this place is the nicest one I've lived in for a long while... here's hoping that she finds for me and doesn't assess me a penalty or if she does let it be an overpayment so I can have my drug and dental. I have a tooth that really needs to come out and as I said earlier my meds cost a lot. As it is I am almost out of the Ciprilex and it is by far the most expensive over a hundred bucks for thirty days worth and the Welbutin another forty or so. Then there is the B50's I have to take every day and the pain killers that make it possible for me to move with some speed and the tums for the acid in my stomach. On top of that I have to eat iron rich foods, avoid lactose and anything made with white flour. The doctor says avoid glutin in any form but that is hard since I am not much of a rice and potatoes gal, I like my pasta and bread, some weeks I eat nothing except sandwiches cause the thought of cooking any thing sends my body into spasms. I haven't opened a can that didn't have a pull tab in months cause my hands can't work a regular can opener and the electric one I got for Christmas has this really short plug so I can't plug it in until I get an extesion cord of some sort. Anyone who thinks living with Fibro can't be that bad has never had it. Even I would not have beleived it if I hadn't been living with it for a while.
The word Dance keeps coming up for me. It has been appearing all over the place, I am thinking I need to do some but I am not a good dancer, I could be I suppose but I was scared by an episode in my childhood and other than a waltz or two I haven't danced anything since my twenties. Actually I may have been even younger since I felt the beat in my feet and the joy in my spirit that comes with dancing tribally and other free form dances. Since I am alone that is the kind of dance I would be doing. I am tired but then I've been tired for a month, even dosing myself with iron hasn't helped, I am beginning to think I need to go up to B100. That and I don't know find something that helps with the menopause without the need for the bleeding every month. I am glad it is gone even if it does mean my vagina is a bit drier. Wish they had a cure for anal tears. It is a pain in the ass (literally) when I tear my anus open and bleed while I'm eliminating. I think out right hemrroids have/has to be better than that. And it takes weeks for it to heal again.

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