Wednesday, February 15, 2012


Well I got a nice surprise last night. One of the professor's co-workers also works at this upscale restauraunt called Rosa's and because he owed the professor a favour he actually got as a table at 8pm for Valentines Day. What is so remarkable about this is he basically did it overnight. The Professor did the favour then his friend told him the next day that he had secured a table for us on Valentines day. How cool is that! See I came to the GTA to see my doctor, I stay with the professor because that means I get a ride, meals and a place to sleep for nothing other than my company which suits my budget very well.

Speaking of the Dr to say my appointment went badly is an understatement. I explained the circumstances that had brought me to him and he arranged the appointment then gave me a lecture about diabetes and gave me two direct commands. One get a counsellor ie shrink and two lose weight. The second he has been telling me for two years but I just haven't has an incentive. That little incident with the jam sandwiches a couple of weeks ago made it go from a possibility to a probability and that means I can no longer drag my feet.

I have already spoken to the Professor about the counsellor and he suggested I get started on that immediatly which I did. I now have two numbers I can call to get the process started. 

When I mentioned the diet thing he was right there bossing me around telling me to make the most of the fancy dinner last night because today I would begin my diet and he would see to it that I took proper care of myself. He is fussy that way. That I already eat fairly smartly didn't seem to enter either the professors head nor the doctors.

My issues are a bit different. For one I hardly move about. I go from my bed to the bathroom to my chair and that happens three or four times a day, that cycle is the only real movement I make most days. This I know is detrimental to my attempt at weight loss. The other issue I have is a bit harder to deal with because sometimes I don't even notice that I'm doing it. I seem to eat about every two hours or so right up until bed time.  

Dr Cohen told me that the normally held beleifs of what diabetes is and what role that insulin plays were incorrect. Diabetes is a disease of the blood vessels. It causes them to narrow so blood has a harder time getting to where it is needed. He said this is why diabetics go blind, the eyes no longer get an adequat blood supply so they die. Insulin is not directly about sugar but its job is to turn sugar into fat so if there is too much insulin in the body you get obesity and other fat related problems. The solution is to eat a healthy diet, cutting back on both sugar and fat and eating lots of vegetables and fruit. It also requires that you rev up you metabolism with regular exercise so that the extra fat you are already carrying gets burned up and you don't add any more

I am already doing the former it is the regular exercise part that is proving difficult. I discussed it with the professor (he is also my financial counsellor) and he agrees it is no longer a choice I need to get a member ship at the local YMCA and start going there regularly. Dr Cohen also suggested Yoga so I'm going to go see Shanti when I get back and find out when her $5 yoga nights are. At least I'll be able to go to a few each month.

With my discovery of spiritual dance I now have an outlet for that in my life now as well. I may do it alone but at least I do it. It has become less than an option and more of an imperative. I have not danced since I got here and I feel myself longing for it I just can't seem to do it in this house. I am not sure the reasoning behind that but I never claimed to understand my own psyche that well. Well enough to point to the surface things I need to work on but not well enough to chase them down to their roots

I can tell you all the categories I think I fall into but chances are the ones that are most important are not known to me. That is just the way things are, you may know yourself better than anyone else in the world but you do not see yourself as others do and what they see is often very different from what you see. 

EG: I consider myself shy and unsure, those that know me say I show confidence and speak well when I'm with others.

This is just one example. I did a interview thing once where I answered questions about myself then asked others the same questions. Quite often their answers were significantly different from my own and most of those were positives not negatives. I can only conclude that I am much harder on myself than other people are. That said I think that could be true for all of us, every human on the planet. You really can't see yourself as others see you.

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