In a little over two hours I will be getting my stomach looked at. I hope if they find anything it is just a small ulcer. If it is anything else I do not know how I will react. Probably be even more depressed than I already am. I am afraid of Cancer the same as I am afraid of Demensia because both are prevelant in my families history on my fathers side. I do not know much about mom's side of the family other than alcoholism and pedofilia. Illnesses of the mind more than illnesses of the body.
I am nervous because the doctor said there was some danger involved in the OHIP covered procedure but since I don't really have much money to spare I am grateful that it is covered otherwise this part would cost me $100CND and the medication for afterwards over $200CND. Since all I see each month is $225 and I have no savings I would be in deep dod doo save for OHIP.
I am focusing on the cost because that keeps my mind away from the fact that 2/3 of a bottle of Frangelico plus months of stress may have put me in the running for one of those poop bags through god willing not now. I do not know the correct terminology I just remember seeing one a long time ago. The thing they used on dad looked more like a small vacuum bag. In my youth it was similar to the cathtar bag but connected higher up through a hole in the torso.
I will not think about that, I am nervous enough without worrying about all the what ifs beyond the test to the results. I am not sure how long I'll have to wait for an answer hopefully today though before I leave the clinic.
I need to do something to distract myself. Farmville here I come