Thursday, March 22, 2012


I thought I had been away longer than a week and I was all set to make this big apology. Time is strange right now, the months go fast while the days go slow. I can hardly believe that we are headed into the second quarter of the year already. Taxes are due in a month and 9 days and I haven't even begun yet. I have the paperwork I just have to get it to the Professor along with a blank cheque so all those rebates will go into my bank account and not to his house. I don't really like depending on him to get them in the bank in a reasonable amount of time.

I have struggled with the decision but I think I would prefer if they went into my personal account that way he can't appropriate it by accident. I trust him with my life but I don't trust him with my money. All too often he treats it as if it were his own which can leave me in a bit of a pickle as you can well imagine. On the upside at least I know with him controlling things I will have some money put away for retirement. The Canadian Pension Plan is headed to dissolution and that means stragglers of the baby boom like me are likely to get shafted come 65. It is worse for my kids of course and for their kids by the time they reach old age there will most likely be nothing left.

I seem to be fixated on money today. That is not necessarily a bad thing. I am having to change my eating habits big time. In truth headed back to my childhood where vegetables we grew ourselves and the odd rabbit or partridge we caught were our diet. It is probably the healthiest way to live though perhaps the pasta and rice were not that great for us, they are probably the only things that kept us from starving some years. The problem is that to live that way can be expensive especially in the cold months.

I have no way to put food by like my mom did except for in the freezer and I have a very small freezer. I could can some stuff and dedicate a shelf to it but that requires a proper kitchen and I don't have one. I have the basics, a one burner induction stove (cooks using magnetism), a toaster oven which can bake anything up to the size of four slices of bread but is not meant for hours of baking (its timer tops out at 30 min), And finally a medium sized microwave. Though I suppose if I wanted to I could cook a lot of things in a microwave that you normally do on a stove. I even saw someplace that you can use it to sterilize the mason jars used in canning though I'm not sure how it would do making brine and preparing fruits and vegetables for the jars.

Using the microwave might be worth pursuing as there are a lot of U-pick farms in the area where I could get fruits and vegetables for less than you would pay retail as long as you are willing to put in the time to pick, clean and peel as needed. I have nothing but time these days.

Whoops, Got thinking about St Joes and the fact that they haven't gotten back to me so I decided to attack from a different angle specifically the Mental Health Association in town. I got two numbers from her and a renewal of hope that I can do what the doctor told me to do. Now if I could just get the exercise part in place I would be all set. Its not like I don't have the resources its just that the reasons are not important enough to make me actually do it. I have books, CDs, ebooks, videos, podcasts and tons of other resources including a band, a ball and a pair of cuff weights though I gave my barbells away to my friend.

I live in a place where walking is a joy as you are either going up the mountain or down it, there are walking paths all over the place. There is an outdoor pool, a track, a ball diamond and tennis courts just across the road and a block away is a yoga centre. Downtown there is a YMCA and a dance studio. Everything a fitness fan could possibly want and yet I sit here in my room in front of this computer thinking instead of doing.

Everything I've read and everyone I've spoken to about it says "Just do it" but how do you just "do it". I suppose it is a simple as making an unbreakable appointment for yourself. I could do that, but again I have no real incentive. Sure my body is failing and my heart could just give out or I could die of aphixiation in my sleep should the snoring be of that type yet here I sit.

It doesn't feel urgent though I know I am quickly running out of time, when I was 50 the doctor told me that if I didn't get it under control I would die by the time I was 55. Now I'm not calling him a liar in fact I'm sure he is quite correct yet it doesn't matter enough for me to make the change. Perhaps he is right perhaps I am bent on suicide though goodness knows this is a long drawn out way of doing it. Starvation would be faster but I do like to eat so that really isn't an option for me. Even fasting for a 24 hours is difficult for me, I can barely last 12 hours, and I wouldn't have done it then if I hadn't needed to have an empty stomach for the gastrophy and empty bowels for the other one.

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