I have been wondering, if I am not mentally ill does that mean I am lazy? And if I am lazy how does one overcome the inertia associated with that paticular state of mind. Inertia has been my issue for a long time it seems. After the pain began to become a daily thing instead of a once in awhile thing I was very active. I was ouit every day taking photoes and exploring. As the pain got worse and worse I began to go out less and less. For the last few years I've hardy used my camera at all and going out to explore became a thing of the past.
I do not want to blame the Fibro for my lack of initiative but it does make it more difficult to do the things I used to do. Other sufferers say that it does not have to limit your life too much, you just have to plan better. That is all well and good but for me even when I do something as simple as the laundry I pay for it as I am today. Even going to do my monthly shopping has become a chore. I did not want to let it defeat me. I had such great plans but now it is all so much air.
In the last two years I have become a recluse, going out and doing what I needed to do but for the most part staying in. THe more I stayed in the less I did until most days are spent in front of the computer screen playing games or more recently getting all of my electronic books organized into a database for easier searching and greater organization, instead of folders I use tags much simpler and on the whole seem to take up much less room on my hard drive.
I eat and play and sleep most days unless like last week I had homework to do. That is what psych professionals call the stuff they give you to do between sessions. It is a good term for it even with the overtones of school. Mind you I have few bad memories from school so it is not a bad thing to me as it might be to others who were less fortunate in that regard.
Yesh I sounded like a right prig with that last sentance but I right as I think and that was how I thought it. I did not get up until after noon today and even then I was tired. My own fault I was up until two working on that data base. It is amazing what will catch your attention. I like to read and I've always wanted to record all of the books I have. With the paper books it is a long boring chore but with the electronic ones with this calibre data base it is not hard at all. It has a memory issue in that you can only search metadata for 500 books before it needs to reset but that would not be so bad except that I have over 8500 ebooks and I'm thing when I'm done I'll have close to 10, 000. That makes the process of giving them tags and putting them into series, (if they are part of one), and getting covers for the ones that don't have them long. And of course though the automatic works well there are always a few books in each hundred that have to be dealt with on a one by one basis because they began life as part of a greater work. Short stories that were published in magazines are a good example of this.
Automatic reflow works ok when translating from text to PDF but it requires that I go in and try and find out where the paragraph marks are otherwise it becomes a big mess. Still readable but missing paragraph breaks and chapter breaks makes it a bit difficult to read, my eyes tend to miss lines because it is so tightly packed. I could go in and replace the paragraph and chapter breaks but that takes a lot of time and is actually quite tedious unless I choose to read the book as I am making the changes rather than just scanning for most likely breaks. Days like today when I am feeling tired it is not a good idea to tackle that kind of project, though I suspect that when I am done adding books and begin to read them I will change my mind. For now it is enough to add some basic tags and gather them into series for easier reading.