Wednesday, October 10, 2012

10/10/2012

Any other year I would be strongly pursuing my birthday goals but this year my birthday didn't spark that move ahead current that I used to get. So many things have changed since my fathers death. I wear the same clothes waking and sleeping for two or three days. I used to have to put on clean clothes every day. I was never one for showering regularily, ( a hold over from my youth when running water in the house was something other people had), but now if I shopwer more than once a month it is because I need to present a clean visage to someone. I used to brush my teeth and comb my hair every day now I only do it when it really needs done. Again if I have to be presentable for something.

Other things have changed too, like I find myself doing and saying the same things over and over again, I used to pride myself on never repeating myself. I haven't pick up a glue gun or a paint brush in months and months. Same with knitting and sewing, I hardly ever work on anything. I'm pretty sure the cause is deep depression compounded with my mid-life crisis. Plus I think the medication might have something to do with it as well. One thing I learned recently is that one of the side-effects of Ciprlex is to dimish the sex drive, in my case it seems to have taken it a way completely.

The professor seems ok with it but it was a big shock to my personal equilibriam since it was the one thing I could say I did well. For the past few years I have been in a Limbo caused by the medication and other events that have been happening in my life. It seems that in this I am not alone. Sexual abuse causes all kinds of hurts and I certainly have had my share of sexual abuse.

Anyway it is 11:30 PM and time for this girl to head up to bed. More tomorrow I hope.

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