Tuesday, November 27, 2012

27/11/2012

Have you ever awakened one day and wondered what happened to you? A few days ago I woke up and realized that it was nearly the end of 2012 and I had done nothing for the last few years except play games on Facebook and through IWIN. I also realized that all I really have to show from the last few years is an expanding girth and a long list of physical and mental issues to go with it. Two years in a row I signed up for National Novel Writing Month and not written word one beyond a short outline of what I wanted to write. It feels as if I have spent the last three years in some sort of vacant state which given the amount of anti-depressant medication I have been taking might not be too far from the truth. I remember starting all kinds of things but usually not getting past a couple of weeks before I would stop doing what ever it was and go back to playing games and general vegetating. I was a relatively healthy 40 but my 50's to date have been one long rest period which I'm sure can't be right but which I feel powerless to change. I know this sloth is not good for me but for some reason I can't get through it to a more active and productive life. Certainly I don't feel happy but then I don't feel much of anything, that of course is a barrier I need to get through.
I was just thinking I did it again, I was about to start proper mental counseling in Hamilton and I moved, now I am in limbo again, on top of that I was in the process of applying for ODSP and soon my time to get the papers in will have run out and I will be having to deal with the job hunting stuff all over again. In truth I am not sure I want to work a regular job but every business idea I've had takes so much start up money that it becomes an impossibility before it gets past the planning stages or maybe I just don't have the information handy I need. I know there is seed money available out there but I am unsure how to go about getting it.
Strangely it is the writing of this blog that that came to me this morning and a reminder of another blog I used to have called Cheryl's Place a plain simple name for a space that was to hold my business ideas IE the services I offered, which are myriad. I have experience in a lot of different areas and was seeking some way to combine  them but it just never gelled for me. I had the bits and pieces but couldn't figure out how to get the word out in a cost effective way. Also since some of then require specific ingredients ie content that also costs money I kept coming up against the same block. Money is needed to make money and even a small business liscense can be expensive if you have no money to begin with. I am on welfare and since I am single that gives me a bare minimum of $550 a month to live on, my rent and share of the utilities takes $445 of that, leaving me with a grand total of $105 to live on. It was $205 but I had to pay back my ex-husband, he loaned me $1200 so we could get the car road worthy with the understanding that I would not receive my support for 13 months. 12 months to pay off the principle the 13th month to pay off the interest which is very high.
Still I suppose if I really wanted to I could use that $100 to get started. I am using Facebook and Twitter and I can make them more useful if I used them to advertise also there must be other publically available , social type networks I can use to put the word out there. Even google ad-sense can be used though I think I need to make a different id to use as the secondary for my google account since I can't remember my ad-sense password and don't want to go through a long and drawn out security checkout. I know they are good things but I find it annoying that they assume you have a mobile phone and that they don't offer to check using a land line.
I need to think about this more. Hopefully I'll be back to talk at you again in the near future.

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