This year the season of joy has
become a season of oh boy.
I cry more than I smile
I'm at 0 on the joy dial
Snow for Christmas, alright
so why do I feel so tight?
The grey and black and white
Fits this year just right
In the end sad but true
I am glad 2012 is nearly through
Just a little ditty that has been crowding my brain. I know I have a lot to be thankful for but honestly this holiday season has been full of so much pain and anguish that I wish it were over.
I was thinking yesterday that Christmas just isn't the way it used to be. With my fathers demise a little over a year ago the whole world seems to have turned ugly and sour. I have been unable to muster the energy to move beyond this desk for so long it feels like I am permanently attached.
I suppose I have not grieved properly whatever that means because people expect me to be moving on with my life and I just can't seem to. It is as if I'm mired in mud that has frozen around me, I can move forward but very, very slowly. In fact that is how I see myself. Stuck in something that I can move through but without grace and very slowly.
I hurt all the time and with the coming of the cold I have even less motivation to get up and get out than usual. Extreme cold and extreme heat do me in energy wise all the time. Mind you Co-co is making sure I get some fresh air, she even wakes me first thing in the morning so she can go out