Tuesday, January 8, 2013

08/01/2013

Who knew that actually seeking help would be so difficult. I have been making calls to arrange for counselling and other things associated with my goal of mental health and I feel like crying. I did not expect it to be so hard to actually talk about out loud. As you may guess I have mainly been writing about the sexual abuse and the fibromyalgia, and the depression not actually talking to other people . I am crying inside, my head is pounding and my eyes are filled with tears I am not willing to shed. Crying solves nothing action gets things done. Except that the action has been harder than I expected.

The first step the phone calls are almost done. I have one more to make and then all of the mental heath calls will be made, I had to stop because I was getting more and more upset for no reason except that I was asking for help and talking about things I had been taught were better left unsaid. I keep hearing my mother when I talked to CAS about my uncle abusing my daughter. When she found out she said "We don't air our dirty laundry in public" which basically means that she was aware of what my uncle had done not only to me and my daughter but my brothers and sisters too and she refused to find help for us to deal with it as I guess she had been refused.

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