Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Morning Papers

Morning thoughts are few and far between, its so early, the phone rang and I was up, not sure how awake I am, lost in the haze as the morning outside is wreathed in fog. No matter where else I have lived it is these morning fogs I've missed. mist missed mountain and stop stream of conciousness dotr of lost in the maze that is my mind, cat is going crazy this morning, Ember is his name, I got to get him fixed soon and the dog too though she is so much more expensive, I wonder how they will spend Dean's first paycheque, it is confusing being me, I don't like me much right now, I don't like me much at all and when I think on it I probably haven't for a long time, most of my life, my skin isn't white enough, nor is it red enough, my hair was never fiery enough and now it's taking forever to be pure white though given how seldom I wash it that is probably a good thing.seems like I've been talking for ever but I don't even have 200 words yet
My eyes want to close & they are all blurry, I love watching the lightening storms we get here, there have been two days worth of them this week, so tired, very tirred. I'm coughing my head off and my head is all stuffed again. Don't know what to say, don't know what to say, hey make it rhyme that's the way, work out your mind with an english word or two, Strike a pose and hold it all night long, Gods I need coffee and I'm not sure I want to drink whaat I have made, cat wants petted and so do I, lost im in a maze in my mind, running in circles like a gerbil or is that a hamster, either way, the grooves in my mind are deep enough to be ditched ditches I want to ditch, sheesh running out of words again, need my coffee yes I do, need my coffee right now
Need to take a break ergonomic my set-up ain't. Thrust and parry, my hands type but my mind is wary, hiding my true self behind a dozen walls and all are strong as steel and twic twice as thick as dirt walls would need to be if they stood ten feet tall. Why do I bother this is why because the words need an outlet and so do I. A journal is where I started and I think a journal is where it will end, my journal, this chrinicle of my stupid, endless inane life, I am seeking a way out that I can take with grace, though being two tons of blubber is a big waist of a great body even now at my heaviest if I look in a mirror I have an hourglass body just packed with a lot of fat. I want my heart to stop pumping I want my lungs to go flat, I want to lie back and end now. Am I depressed you bet but it is a mild one compared to where I was last week and the week before that. I need sleep but I don't want to go lie down just yet, the best way to do this is before I've had my coffee and before I am prepared to control my unruly mind, unruly mind, unholy mind, bloody minded, death I welcome you where are you. Sleep the endless sleep oh please let me, sleep the endless sleep. Wanna be a winner bet me that I will live lomg past my 55yh birthday. Don'r dont correct just keep going but it is so hard when my hands are so clumsy on these keys this morning, my hand eye co-ordination are  just not in sync and yet I know right away when I hit the wrong key and I want to fix it because it grated grates on me, like the d and the s I mix them up constantly at the end of words and I know it as soon as I do it, it bugs me and I want to fix it but that is not the way your supposed to do these. This is rough draft not polished prose, silver-plated for the royal tea service, I need to rest another minute and sip my coffee my muse my mu mercy me, I'm messin up big time today

Wow! I actually made it to 750 words with all that rambling.

Gratitudes
1) Thunder and lightening, natures fury I love to see and hear
2) Ground fog, only here where I grew up do you see it so often, it makes the world surreal
3) Pets, who love you no matter what you do to them, Yesterday I was missing Ceedar may he rest in peace but Ember is slowly worming his way into my heart.

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