Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Sept 18th, 2013

THAT time is getting closer, you know that once a year inventory of your life that occurs around your birthday, I know it isn't just me one of my internet friends was just talking about it a few days ago.

Though I must admit I don't think I'm as bad as she makes herself out to be, I guess I should ask my family if I get that bad. I think I just tend to avoid the world even more than usual while I go inside myself.

In 19 days counting today I will turn 53 and as I do every year around this time I try to look at my life and determine what the next year will hold for me. Last year strangely enough I didn't write anything, mainly because I was in the process of moving from Hamilton back to Peterborough. There are no entries in this blog from the 20th of September until the 20th of October. This year I hope to share the whole process with you.

Maybe, I will try at least. Today I took the first two steps in a campaign I am determined to win this time. I attended the first of 12 workshops for adult survivors of child abuse, sexual and physical. I also asked the instructor to put my name on the list for a counselor.

If my obesity has a mental root in that abuse then I need to deal with it, I want to deal with it. Even without that I still would like to deal as much as possible with it so that I can have some semblance of a normal life for my remaining years.

The first think I noticed is that even the young ones have things in common with me, we share a common point of view about the world and our place in it. The second thing I noticed is that while I consider myself well guarded some of them are even more guarded than me.

I shared far more than I thought I would and went far deeper into my sub-conscious than I ever expected to during this group. It drained me in a way I haven't felt drained in a long time, like lancing a boil you feel a bit better but you are so tired from protecting yourself that all you want to do is curl around the injury and rest.

There were other things I wanted to talk about but I think I need to escape reality for a little while.

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