My mind is heavy today. I find myself asking myself the same questions I've been asking myself since October; when do you throw in the towel, after a year, two years, more of running into the same wall when do you say "I quit"?
Modern authors would have you believe that you need to give things an honest try but they never say how long you should try for. Still other keep trying until you get it right, no matter how long that takes. I am of the opinion that sixteen years should be enough.
I've done the guilty mother thing, and the involved grand-mother thing and honestly I'm fed up. No matter what example I set or what behaviour I try to encourage nothing has changed except the level of my patience.
If it were possible to disappear into the wild blue yonder, I would jump at it. I decided at the first of the year that I would stay until the wedding was finished but as I sit here right now I do not feel confident that I can do that, in fact I am having difficulty convincing myself to finish the month let alone six.
It is nearly impossible to get my DD to believe or even seem to understand that some of her attitudes and behaviours are the cause of so many of our financial issues. That my SIL seems to have left his balls in Iraq does not help.
Do the budget they say then promptly turn around and change half of my numbers. I am beginning to wonder why I bother even trying to make them understand that you can't have money for emergencies if you are always spending it at Tim's.
To do what I need to do I would have to be ruthless, cancelling all Cogeco services and all Bell Mobility services. And I think I would have to pay some kind of penalties for breaking the contracts early. I would also have to make sure they got all of their equipment back else I would be on the hook for a ton of equipment buy-outs. For Cogeco once I am in a new place I could just transfer it but what on earth would I do with three cell phones?
Hopefully it doesn't keep me awake again tonight, I have an important class tomorrow morning.