Today is cold, cause there is snow still
Today is sad, I'm in pain
Today is glad, GS # 1 is nearly potty trained
Today is all of those things and more, a present that I do not appreciate, can not appreciate because of all of the worries I carry from the past and the future. Does that make any sense to you? If I only have today then why do I allow myself to be bogged down by all the maybe's.
When I first heard about treating today as the present it is, I thought about it. I wondered what kind of person could leave the past behind and not worry about the things yet to come? I have real trouble being present in the moment, even though I know this moment will never come again.
And while this quote speaks to me in many ways still I find myself lost in the sadness and anger of the past and the worry about what comes next, plus remembering all of those appointments hurts this old head. It is a riddle I would like to solve except I think the only way to solve it would to lose my memories completely.
Rising in the morning gets harder as I get older though I remember that the older my dad got the earlier he woke up, I guess I just haven't reached that point yet. Though I feel old I am in truth just barely past middle age.
I think the teens and the fifty's are both a major time of change in our lives and I am the equivalent to a fourteen year old this year, which means I have at least thirteen more years to go before I get sane and sensible again. Laugh if you like, I certainly am!
Mother Nature is one tricky bitch. She gives women 10 years for fun, 40 years of misery and then 20 years recovering our sense of humour and relearning to have fun followed by 20 years or so of returning to our helpless infant self. It sucks that we spend our best years wearing ourselves out so that by the time we are able to take time for ourselves we are too tired to do anything.
Okay that was a unexpected rant but true enough, I do not like being this age, the age where I should finally be having some fun on my own terms except that I can't cause after menopause Mother Nature took my body and twisted it all up so I can't do anything much except write and sleep.