Friday, April 11, 2014

Feeling the Pain

This is a exercise in streaming thoughts as they occur
My arm hurts actually my whole upper body aches though I think that is because of the tylenol 3 it just doesn't work the same as it used to. My grandson is here and making a lot of noise as usual I swear this 3 yr old never shuts up except when he is asleep stream of conciousness is not easy especially with whats going on in my body today but I'll keep trying. My jaw hurts and i need to do a salt water rinse cause of the tooth I got pulled, my eyes are all sticky and i am having trouble focusing on anythingbloddy hell this isn't going to work todayto much else to think about. Have to clean up the mess in front of my closet, have to wash the walls, need to vacuum the floor, need to clean the bathroom, hall & stairs maybe I just don't know if it is worth it, if he gets mad maybe they will find a cheaper place & I can go live somewhere else I like Kims idea, her mom has her very own house next door to theirs, I would like that. Then the kids could come see me and then I could send them home when I'd had enough. I really need to stop this and get to work on that cleaning but all I really want to do is sleep and sleep and sleep. Not good I know it just keeps getting worse, the fatigue. I have very little energy left and I know I still have two days of babysitting. So tired.... I wish I could magic everything done then magic myself somewhere far away, deep in the bush some where so no one would bug me for a long while, course that means if I die it would be a long time before I was found but you know what that doesn't sound as bad to me as it used to. I figure I'll be 55 before I get any semblance of a life of my own.Fed up, worn out and still I know I got two more years of this but I swear come my 55th birthday I am out of here. By then both boys will be in school and I will no longer be needed as a nursemaid. Well I guess I'll get back to life as I know it.

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