Sunday, June 1, 2014

Beginnings, Endings and Middles

Okay your supposed to begin with the ending and work towards the beginning. In my life I have not set many goals and what goals I've set got sidetracked fairly quickly. Today I'm feeling a bit sad because the 221 pounds I was so proud of has returned to 223 and I know that is the weight my body is currently set at. I have been trying to figure out how to move that set point to 200 which is my first interim goal on my way to 125

I knew I was going to weigh myself this morning and last night I found myself nibbling potato chips & jelly beans and other stuff I should not have been even considering. I had caused my daughter to become very angry with me last night and I was punishing myself for upsetting her. What I can't figure out is why she is allowed to be upset by me but I don't allow myself to show my anger towards her.

If I am afraid of losing my daughter because of anger ... well maybe I am in a way but that is unfounded as are many of my reactions towards her. I do not know when my daughter became this cruel monster that haunts my mind certainly I don't see the reactions I expect. Its more like I'm waiting for the day and I don't know why. I have no basis for the fear at all. She is actually quite an understanding young woman when she wants to be. Sure she gets angry put other than throwing a few things or stomping her feet I have never seen her act as I would expect a physical abuser to act. I think I have turned my daughter into a mean bitch in my head and I don't know why.

Beginnings are not easy nor are endings but the middle usually writes itself. I am aware that I'm not being very clear and that is because I had no clear idea what I was planning to write only that it was June 1st and over the next month a VERY big occasion is coming, my daughters wedding. If we can get through that with our skins intact then we will be set I hope

Ok what I have planned for June aside from the wedding and a slew of appointments is:

  • A photo a day using fatmomslim's Photo a Day challenge
  • blogher's NaBloPoMo who's topic this month is "Comment"
  • createwritenow 24 days Whole Health Journaling challenge
  • increase my away from computer time to 2 hours 45 minutes of which needs to be movement based
  •  Prep and freeze 4 meals during the first week

I think that will make for a reasonably busy month especially as I am sitting at seven appointments as of today and after the 5th I expect to have a few more and after the 11th they will probably increase again. For those that are interested I go for a physio assessment on the 5th and after the 11th I expect to have a regular weekly counseling session again. Also from the 21st to the 25th I will be babysitting my grandsons while my daughter enjoys her honeymoon. A busy busy month!



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