What I really want to do is write a nasty letter to someone to try and explain the impact these two things have on me and my life. However I prefer not to start a war in a public forum because I am absolutely certain the person in question would not respond well. And I need that public forum at the moment
This however is my personal journal so I feel quite comfortable airing my grievances here. In attempt to feel less lonely I joined a snail mail group. You have seen it mentioned many times over the last few months but as happened before I find that there are always a few people who take things far too seriously.
Last Monday I decided to take my cart and go grocery shopping , I walked the cart to the store and I walked it back full of groceries something I would not have usually done but it was a lovely day. By the time I got back home I was worn out. As it happened I had used up not only Monday's Spoons but the ones for the rest of the week too. Add to this the fact that the weather was grey and cold which always increases both my depression and my pain and you can imagine the week I have had
It was not until today that I had any energy to do anything except read and sleep. Yet I can not really tell people that I slept all week because they truly do not understand that that is not an excuse but a authentic symptom of my own particular combination of illnesses. Someone who has never experienced chronic pain and chronic low energy levels as well as a depression that never goes away can not even begin to understand what life is like for me.
I could write the nasty letter but it would only make my experience that much worse and at this point I'm about done with all swaps that require me to send snail mail not just the electronic kind. As happened the last time I got involved there were people who treat it more like a job than a hobby. These people take all the joy out of it for me.
I have decided that after this month I will no longer participate in anything except electronic swaps, its just too frustrating for me.