Thursday, August 3, 2017

Mental Struggles

Have you ever had a memory or a thought take up residence in your mind and refuse to go away?

I am having such a struggle with myself at the moment. The worst thing is that it is a matter of jealousy and anger.

I love my husband but he is a wuss where his brother is concerned, (sorry hon but it's true), and that has caused some friction between us on occasion. Since their mother came to live with them I have refused to spend my usual week a month at his place. It was only a few days ago that I figured out why.

When I moved to be closer to my job it appeared that I had left my husband but I hadn't not really we just took a small breather. When I came back I did not feel like I belonged there, not really, and it only got worse which is why I jumped at the chance to leave a second time.

I made a simple request a room where I could do my crafts. I need natural light and I put forward two options, the spare room or the day room. Both of these were vetoed by his brother and I ended up in a dark basement room surrounded by computer bits.

It hurt me really badly that he refused to fight for what I needed instead of bowing to his brother. Now that his mother is there she has all the things I needed. A room of her own to do with as she pleases and a bedroom. OK I didn't want a bedroom of my own but the other, I needed it.

It is kind of pathetic but I feel a little jealous because she is sure of her place in the house and in their lives, I have not been sure of anything for a long time. I also worry what she thinks of my arrangement with Rob, it is the opposite to what she had with her husband.

Anger and jealousy can make fools of us all I guess. I want to be brave but I am not sure I have it in me.

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