Thursday, April 23, 2015

Goodness Me

I am looking out my window at snow in April. Not that snow is unusual in April here but I was just getting to think Spring was here.

The Change in weather has one benefit it has kick-started my creativity. I spent yesterday making art.

It started out with this:

and ended with this:

You  can see the rest of my work in my Art Journal on Pinterest

Sunday, April 19, 2015

My brain shouts at me

It shouts and shouts but when I try to write down what it is saying my brain gets all foggy. So is it my brain trying to drive me insane or a self protection thing. I honestly don't know. My brain is a curious thing full of plans and ideas that my body seems unable to follow through on.

OK that probably not fair to my body, all actions are controlled by the brain this is a scientific fact. Without those neurons firing we would be useless lumps of flesh actually less than that because those neurons are also keep our heart and lungs working. Which means if those basic neurons don't fire we are dead. Anyway back to my rant.

Tons of ideas, the ability and supplies to make them happen and I sit in front of my computer reading or pinning or playing games.

For this week my goals are to avoid Macs and to spend money only on cat litter and maybe a few groceries, no Coke Zero or sweet anything except what I can make at home.

Last week they were to avoid Macs and make it to all of my appointments which I did. A big thumbs up for me.

See my mind has dragged me away from the original subject, what it shouts at me and why.

What it shouts at me is simple: I am in too much pain to move much. Even though I know that moving might help decrease the pain. I can't just get up and do it for some reason possibly to do with depression I just can't move. It shouts and I am frozen in my seat.

On top of all this whatever is causing the irritation has me wanting to throw my cats off the balcony cause they can't seem to stay away from my plants. Perhaps I have a touch of Spring fever and it is affecting me adversely, maybe.

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Environment - Self Care

Comfort, Affirmation & Rejuvenation

As women we have a hard time giving these to ourselves. It is easy to tell ourselves, " I don't need a hug, or a morale boost or even just a rest, I need to look after everyone else" Most of us do this at least in my generation. I am one of the children born at the end of the baby boom though as a child of boomers I was only one of five instead of one of a dozen.

The antiquated notion that mothers are there to provide comfort to their children and husband is still strong. I had never heard of self- care until about a decade ago and I was well into my 40's by then.

So how do you give yourself comfort?

Well giving yourself a hug isn't as much fun as getting one from a loved one but unless you are willing to ask for it, hugging yourself is the best you can do.

Slipping into a hot bubble bath with a book gives comfort and allows a certain amount of rejuvenation

Comfort is also about little things, that worn sweater that you swear is warmer than anything else you own; the bunny slippers your children or grandchildren gave you; a favorite book and a nice cuppa is also good for comfort and the space you take to enjoy them allows some rejuvenation.

Affirmation is a declaration of self worth and comes in many forms. The classic "good job" and a pat on the back is a big affirmation but sometimes you need more than that. I collect affirmations at Pinterest. 


Simple, straight forward  and powerful. What ever your it is you deserve it. Mind you it has to be positive and I know sometimes it is real hard to find the silver lining but it is there. The power of I AM should not ever be dismissed, They are two of the most powerful words in the world because what comes after them comes true.

If you say I am fat, then you will be fat, if you say I am fit, then you will be fit. It may take awhile for either of these things to come true but every time you say I am fit, you are reinforcing it in your brain and eventually you will begin to find yourself getting fitter cause your mind will be pushing the button "get up and go". We all know the more you move around the healthier you will become!

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

Poems of the week

Place Poem

Jackson Creek
Little Lake
Retirement Haven
Seven Hills
Walking Trails

I Remember Poems

I remember my mother
I remember her aloofness
I remember her patience
I remember the beating she gave me
and the reason why

Sunday, April 12, 2015


Wouldn’t it be great if everyone had the strength, resources, and social and emotional support to navigate life’s challenges?
That's the purpose behind World Creativity and Innovation Week (WCIW) April 15 - 21. Founded in 2001, people in over 50 countries in businesses, schools, associations, organizations and communities celebrate every year.
WCIW is a time to encourage people to use their creativity to make the world a better place and to make their place in the world better too.
WCIW is a time to inspire new action, create novel ideas, make new decisions.
WCIW is a time to educate, engage, celebrate and open doors that help people experience freedom from suffering and open up to new worlds of what's possible.
Please join with us - honour and embrace creativity and innovation during World Creativity and Innovation Week April 15 - 21.
WCIW is a do-it-yourself event - it happens where ever you are.

Think on it what would you do to nurture your creativity this week.  If you check this week on my pinterest you will see that my major project this week is planting the seeds for my garden.

Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Physical Health - Exercise

I have paid for a membership to the gym in my building. Its only $10 a month and I get unrestricted use of the space. There are two reasons I wanted the membership. They have hand-weights and they have a treadmill. Both of these are things I have wished to have at home but can't afford.

I have been looking through my collection of physical activities and have chosen a couple of different sets. To take the pressure off myself I am no longer trying to lose weight, I got rid of the initial 10 lbs if I lose more great if not it is not a waste because I will be making myself healthy

You will find this one and several others on Pinterest. Its to strengthen and tone my arms. It will be the first routine I will be doing along with a warm up & cool down stretch routine and 5 min to start on the treadmill.

On a related note the web site these plans came from is called Workout Labs and they have a dozen or so pre-made plans as well as the option to put together your own. All of the ones on my board were made by others and I am using them to help me build a template for a exercise routine I can handle.

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

Completed Poetry Homework

List Poem:
Television plays "The Matrix"
Husband watches intently
I watch the garden

Good Poem/Bad Poem:
The flowers drink the rain
The rain that makes mud
The mud is used for face mask
Yet a mask can hide many things
My lilac is in bud
The yard is full of mud
Spring has arrived

Concrete Poetry:
life returning
cleaning, planting
Brightening the world
Pretty, pretty daffodil
Sitting on my window sill

Monday, April 6, 2015

That Voice

The voice in my head gets so loud sometimes it is all I can hear. The voice that says: "Life isn't worth it; Give up; Give in ; End it all; Why do you bother?.

I fight of course I f do, I've been fighting it since I was f 11. 44 years of not letting it push me to the final place because I don't want to leave my family that kind of memory of myself. But sometimes like since mid-Jan of this year it gets hard.

I do not cry, my mother always told me crying doesn't solve the problem and I agree with her but some days the tears are in my throat and they really want to come out. I don't let them. I try to write them away. Usually in my journal or here sometimes in dismal poetry or art work. I have a whole collection of my artwork that is on the dark side from other bouts of dealing with this dythymia.

Cute word that means ongoing crippling depression with no known cure. Or as the doctors say a low-level constant depression that has lasted longer that 5 years caused by the bodies inability to manufacture sufficient serotonin.

I think that is how the doctor phrased it when she told me why I had never experienced real joy and fought constant thoughts of suicide. Even exercise doesn't produce enough to make up the shortfall.
Nothing does and when it gets to it's current level it is really hard to get back to ... well my normal.

I keep busy reading, writing, drawing even watching movies sometimes to take myself out of the funnel but it takes a lot of work and I just get tired.

Above is the first page I did this month. April is supposed to be about renewal. All I saw was the rain.

Sunday, April 5, 2015

Checkin in

I love Chris Dean, reading her stuff has helped me through some rough spots so what do I do ... the first time I write her I say Hi Dean instead of Hi Chris and didn't even noticed I had made the mistake. Talk about embarrassed so Chris if you read this I am sorry.

On a lighter note I spend some time with my grandsons over the last couple of days. Friday we did Easter egg colouring

Then yesterday we went to the local garden show, ( reminder to self next time leave everyone else at home), I didn't get to look or buy anything but I did manage to procure some help and some ideas. The boys were far more interested in getting their spring bikes. They each got one of these, a Huffy Spiderman bike.

I was ready for a nap after that but then The Professor took me to a nice little restaurant called  "Village of Thai" not far from my place and we had a delicious Golden Curry for lunch.

We are planning to go back again to try their green curry. I had never been before and I got to say I'm glad we went.

Today we are headed to my daughters for Easter dinner and then to Toronto later tonight to do a bit of a spring cleaning at the professors. I am going to need a week to recover after all this excitement.

Thursday, April 2, 2015

Poetry forms for this week

 I have a headache
For Pete's sake

I know kinda lame but those were the first lines in my head. Will add the other four as I do them.

Wednesday, April 1, 2015

April Challenges

Image heavy so may be slow to load. Below is my list of 30 day challenges I am attempting to complete this month some will appear in my art journal and photo album at Pinterest. Others will be on Letters or on  Writing Journal. I may even end up putting a few at Creative Indulgences.

NaBloPoMo April 2015 
Week 14, 15, 16, 17 & 18 I think for April.

April Schedule

Now that the complaining is done lets  look at the plans for April.
Week   Home               Self    Public
Week 1
Mar 29-Apr 4

Food Prep- portioning
and freezing

Get Adequate

AON re Gym

Week 2
Apr 5-Apr 11
At Robs- cleaning
garage & office
Journal Challenges
Easter dinner with

Week 3
Apr 12-Apr 18
Spring cleaningUnconditional
Contact Activity Haven-
sign up for a couple of classes

Week 4
Apr 19-Apr 25 
Begin planting gardensSpend some time in

Week 5
Apr 26-Jun 2

Menus & meal
planning for June

As you can see there are a few blank spaces but after contacting Activity Haven I expect the Public section to get a little busier. The self care bit is harder but I think I'll manage alright. The to do list is a lot longer but these are the must do's this month.

Bloody hell - Excuse my English!

I am frustrated beyond belief right now ... at myself. I set myself  three small goals this year. Learn to belly dance, Lose 52 lbs and  Quit chewing my nails.

As of today I am back at 220 lbs, my practice has been sporadic to say the least and  though a bit longer my nails are still getting chewed. Granted it is only April but that means a full 1/4 of the year is gone. I was supposed to be at 202 lbs by now 12 weeks into the year instead of having gained back the 6 lbs I thought were gone for good. I had actually made it down to 214 just before Christmas.

I have a fairly clear idea of what happened, February. Remember how hyped I was in my last entry well all of that fell away. Two weeks of snow storms had me fortifying myself with Carmel squares and ice cream. Ice cream especially is my kryptonite since it was ice cream that started the weight gain to begin with way back in my 20's and every time I eat it now the weight comes back quick.

With summer coming that particular temptation is only going to get worse which is why this month I want to experiment with natural flavouring for water. I found several links over at Pinterest like this apple slice spa water. Its about replacing pop/soda with water and how to make water more interesting to drink. That is one strategy I'm working on. There are a couple of others like paying attention to portions and eating at regularly scheduled times.

I am also trying to make sure I exercise on a consistent basis but that is not going very well. I am going to talk to my landlords about getting access to the gym downstairs and making that a regular thing. Wish me luck