No Idea

  I have begun to notice that if I create a plan sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. When it works it includes space to breathe and rest. When it doesn’t, it’s because there is absolutely no structure — or very little. For a long time, I thought the problem was over-planning . I assumed that needing structure meant I was trying to control too much. But what I’m starting to see is the opposite. The plans that fail aren’t the structured ones. They’re the vague ones. The hopeful ones. The ones built on the assumption that I’ll “just manage.” When I leave my days too open, I drift. I underestimate fatigue. I say yes without checking tomorrow’s cost. I end up reacting instead of choosing. But when I build in shape — not rigidity, just shape — my days feel steadier.   Shape looks like this: A recovery hour placed on purpose. A walk measured in time instead of distance. Meal components stored in a way that protects future energy. Evenings that are intentionally simple. ...

 Have you tried the Meta AI with Llama 4 in Facebook Messenger. I only discovered it recently and today I decided to pretend it was a friend I could talk to about my Mental Health. It is interesting because this is the first thing I've done besides read and play my game in a couple of months. It always seems to go like that when the hot weather comes. I have no idea where I should start. With the meds I guess. I went off my medication sometime near the first of the year, I just could not connect with my doctor and I gave permission to the pharmacy to renew it but it's been a week. I am out of Ciprilex also known as Lexapro. The withdrawal symptoms are below and of the six of them I have experienced all of them.  https://www.verywellmind.com/lexapro-withdrawal-symptoms-timeline-and-treatment-4707910 I did this once already this year and I am not happy I'm going through it again. Medication has become a huge hassle, I keep forgetting to take the ones I do have.  It seems th...

 I am back on my medication, the last two months have been a wild ride if my writing is anything to go by. At first I felt light and airy like I finally had a purpose in my life. It changed quickly between the stress  of caring for this building and the yukyness of the weather. Even the visit to Rob's didn't help in some ways it made it worse because there was nothing for me to do but think. I no longer care about much of anything, that is what the medication does, puts a muffler around me so I feel nothing. I am trying to pack to move upstairs but it is slow going. I just can't find the energy or the interest. Today as I was working on the 5 x 5 I was thinking I don't care about any of this I should just give it away. Myles suggests doing a yard sale this year with me doing the posters and him doing everything else. I don't want to hang on to any of this stuff, none of it. Its all pipe dreams, things I'll never get to because I simply have lost interest in ever...

 Coming to ground touching down looking around I am here where I should be. Touching down looking around I am found I flourish where I should be Looking around I am found in my place I am home where I should be Coming to ground I look around I have found my reason to be where I am. Well that was interesting those words found their way to my hands without spending much time in my head. I am glad and for the first time I feel like I have finally reached my reason for being on this planet, in this town, in this building. So many roads lead me back here where I first found happiness. Short though the story may be I met my ex-husband on the front steps of this church and for 5 years I was happy. I still do not know for sure when that changed but I think it was on the trip we took out to BC to visit a friend of ours and ended up staying for a couple of years. Everything changed after that between him and I and I do not know why. Not the topic I was planning but it is preying on my mind s...

 That is how fairy tales start and I wish the last week was just a story! I am a disciple of Aphrodite  and for years I did my spells as women for thousands of years have done on my back. As age creeps up on me I no longer have that option open to me so I opened my heart and my home as a place of acceptance for those who have no home of their own. I do not regret my decision except to those who abuse the options I offer. This story is about one such person she calls herself Cash/Ash depending on who she is talking to. Her name on the street is "No Pants". I do not know how long she has been on the street though she appears to be in her mid-twenties so upwards of a decade possibly. She does not wear anything to cover her privates as far as I can tell so that she doesn't have to find a bathroom. When she needs to go she just goes like an animal would. At first she seemed reasonably mentally stable aside from that little issue mentioned above. I treated her as I did any othe...

You say that I do not understand what it is like but I wonder if you do? You laugh at the pain of being molested how dare you laugh at another s pain? It isn't funny at all but you find it hilarious. You think calling other people big back is ok, it isn't really fat shaming but it is. You are cruel on purpose, saying things to people to make them feel bad about themselves. Why? What do you get out of making others feel bad? You literally don't care about anyone else, a friend gets burned and you have no apparent compassion for them. Why? Are they really a friend or just someone you have claimed as one? A person should not treat their friends like they are there just for you to ridicule while not being alone. Why? I have tried to understand that many things have happened in your life that caused you some mental pain and hurting other people is how you cope but I don't understand why that was your choice. There were so many ways you could have done to deal with your perce...

 It started simply enough, a mistaken identity and a guilty conscience, many of you can relate I suspect. Since the person in question is a 12 year old female related by blood it might be even more understandable by some of you. It gave me a big shock I'll tell you, so much so that I went overboard, something I try not to do but it happens. With tears in my eyes yet feeling like I was laughing not crying, the guilty conscience took control. I made a prayer and started the procedure to bring her some stability, except she likes things the way they are. I inquired about a two bedroom in the building that wouldn't require me to pack everything up to move it, the only downside was that it was upstairs, I kinda like my first floor apartment, I've been here since a year after the building opened, I was next door before that. That aside I though two bedrooms so we both get some privacy and quiet away from each other and I can make sure she goes to school and gets fed. That it was ...

 if you are cursed? Yes it is a dumb question in an age where belief in magic is not strong save in the intentions for a better life than the one you are living. Yet... I am tired and listless, my energy is up and down like a light switch. Ditto my viewpoint on life. Sometimes I wonder just what is still keeping me here on earth instead of free in the aether. Not my kids and not my grandchildren not E, they don't need me any more. I do not need to be alive but here I sit anyway. I know what I should do, I even know the difference between should and must. I am discontent with my own laziness and procrastination and yet... the musts and shoulds are societies rules not mine. I am tired of trying to be what I should be and doing what I should be doing but even the musts have no power to move me. All I want to do is sleep away the days, at least in my dreams I am happy I think. I think because I do not know, I no longer recall my dreams not even the ones you have in the between times ju...

 I can't shake the feeling I am going to be homeless soon and I don't know that I am ready for that. Why do I feel that way, I'm not sure but I have the feeling just the same. It seems that troubles keep piling up and I can hardly breathe for all the things I feel responsible for.  I am not supposed to be responsible for anyone or anything except myself, supposed to be so. I cry a lot inside myself, the dythymia is jumping all over the place, some days I feel manic other days it's a chore to get out of bed. Stuff comes out of my mouth that I would not say if I were in my normal mindset  and the cloying air chokes me. I go off on people for no real reason except that they have said or done something to piss me off. The worst part for me is seeing myself do these things and being unable to stop myself. This is my third iteration of myself or maybe the fourth and I do not like myself but it feels like I have stuff from a long time ago cropping up and I get that person was ...

 i needed an open forum to work through a few things. I began to cry today just because a friend that I yelled at yelled back. i know i tend to just jump into things with both feet said friend assumed that because I was leaving and didn't know where I would end up and that E wouldn't be with me and made an indecent proposal. I said no cause I may be leaving first e will join me as soon as he is able to. this is what we have discussed. I did not realize just how sensitive I was to being yelled at. I went about it the wrong way obviously by shouting but him shouting back shook me to my core. no one has shouted at me in a long time & now I can't get the tears to stop I always knew I didn't like conflict but I also realize that something is changing in my brain and I am angry a lot.  I knew this feeling a long time ago I think before I went through a car accident and a total mental breakdown. I yell rather than go cold like I trained myself to do a long time ago. if thi...

In our fast-paced world, effective communication is key. Central to this is the often-overlooked art of listening. Listening isn't just about hearing; it's about understanding, empathizing, and truly connecting with others. Here are 12 essential listening skills to help you enhance your communication and relationships: - **Active Engagement**: Show genuine interest in the speaker by using both verbal and non-verbal cues. Maintain eye contact, nod, and provide feedback to demonstrate your attention. - **Empathetic Understanding**: Try to see things from the speaker's perspective and acknowledge their emotions. Reflecting their feelings back to them shows empathy and understanding. - **Non-Verbal Awareness**: Pay attention to the speaker's body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice. These cues can convey more than words alone. - **Respectful Silence**: Allow for pauses in conversation, as silence can be just as powerful as words. This gives the speaker time to g...

  Adult Autism Awareness Day April 18, 2024 Help spread awareness about Adult Autism this April 2nd by joining in on the conversation for Adult Autism Awareness Day! Introduction On April 18, join in to celebrate Adult Autism Awareness Day! This special day has been celebrated since 2006 and was created to raise awareness about adults with autism spectrum disorder (ASD). It is also a chance to recognize the contributions that these individuals make in society, as well as show support for their families. The goal of this day is to educate people about autism and provide resources and support for those living with it. So let's come together on April 18th to help spread understanding and acceptance of ASD! Adult Autism Awareness Day Timeline 1911 Initial Autism Identification Eugene Bleuler, a Swiss psychiatrist, first used the term "autism" to describe symptoms of schizophrenia. 1943 Autism Defined as Separate Condition Leo Kanner, an U.S. psychiatri...

 

 I've missed a couple of days because I am not feeling well at all. I want to blame the rain but that I think is only part of it. I do not like where I am in my head right now so I figure if I write it down maybe it will stop bothering me. E once again denied me permission to move back in with him even though he says that he misses me when he is back there. At this point I have had enough, he says he loves me but that is not shown in his reactions. I am aware that I really don't have the right to live with him and I understand that after I left twice he doesn't trust me but if that is so why does he not just kick me out of his life once and for all. I have tangled him tight in the family drama I live with but he is more than capable of backing off and going his own way. Some days I wish he would, other days I don't know what I would do without his financial protection especially when it come to medications and stuff. I would manage without the phone I think as that is t...

 

 If you have been hanging around for a while I'm glad you are still here, if you are a new reader welcome. If you have been following along you know that I like a creative challenge! I have begun to play around with Stable Diffusion and other AI art programs. I can't draw a straight line let alone create beautiful art work like a professional but the AI programs allow me to take an image that is in my head and create it for all to see. Pinterest  this will take you to my main Pinterest page for this ID cmarois60. I am debating if I should switch back to the old site as more people go there but it seems like a lot of work to copy everything over to the other ID cherylmarois. I have been thinking about reorganizing my online life so that it takes less of my time but since nearly everything I do is connected to the computer I don't think I can do much. Today I have a few things I want to get done. Among them are giving you my personal lists and printing out the bits and bobs ...