Looking Back, Not Staying

"I looked back, but I didn't move backward."

 
There are times I look back at my life and go what the hell? We are what we were raised to be even when we fight against the things we went through ourselves. We either emulate what we knew growing up or we do everything in our power to go in the opposite direction. Either way we are shaped by it. We carry pieces of it with us whether we want to or not.

For myself there are memories I keep and others I avoid as much as possible, but lately some things from my younger years have been making their way back into my thoughts. Certain decisions I made in my twenties have come back around and I have found myself responding to them differently than I did then. Some of that is simply lessons learned. Some of it is pain given and received without closure. Either way I have been looking back more than usual.

Part of that happened because my family and I have started looking seriously at leaving Peterborough and moving somewhere healthier for us mentally and physically. We have been looking toward the Niagara region and trying to think about what that might actually look like. Funny thing though, before we could really think about where we were going, I ended up looking at where I had been.

When my kids were little we lived in Housing for about a year and a half. There was damage to the kitchen after a pipe burst one winter and after that I seemed to get turned down every time I applied for housing. I never really knew why. I always assumed I owed money and I thought I had taken care of it years ago when I paid off old debts after my dad passed away. Still, I never checked. The denial simply became a fact in my head. It became one of those things I just accepted as true.

Now that I am sixty-five and considering another move I thought I would ask. It turns out I had paid the arrears and Housing had no record of me owing anything. There was a note saying money had once been owed but nothing outstanding. I was encouraged to apply again and I cannot even explain how much relief I felt hearing that.

What struck me afterwards was realizing that I had carried that around for years. I had accepted it without questioning it because I thought I already knew the answer. Looking back did not change the past, but it did change the story I had been telling myself.

I think I have been doing that in other areas too. I switched Pinterest to a business account because I was curious if anything I was doing was connecting with people and I discovered the Things I'm Learning series has been getting a lot more attention than I expected. I was surprised by that because while I enjoy creating pins, the truth is they are part of how I cope with things and work through them.

The poetry has been harder. Those poems came out of one of the most difficult periods of my life and sometimes working through them means revisiting things I would rather leave alone. Still, each time I finish a set of pins for one of the poems I feel a little lighter. I am dealing with difficult things, but they are reminders of what was, not what is.

I also found myself explaining some things to my granddaughter that I had never really explained before. Not because I wanted to excuse anyone, but because understanding where someone came from sometimes explains why I protect them so fiercely.

Even my weekend away ended up teaching me something. I realized how much I dislike feeling managed or directed around as though I cannot make my own choices. What surprised me wasn't that I felt irritated. It was realizing how strongly I felt it. Maybe that says something too. 

On the brighter side I spent time wandering through stationery stores and walking around a historical part of Toronto. I walked much more easily than I expected. My feet got tired and sore but nothing else did. I knew the YMCA classes were helping, but I had not realized just how much they were helping. I also got to share that time with family this week and it turned out to be unexpectedly fun.

So much happened this week that I kept trying to figure out how to put it into some kind of order, but maybe it is simpler than I thought. I looked back at routines that drifted, old doubts, family pain and old emotions. I kept the parts that helped and carried them forward.

I looked back, but I didn't stay there.

I continued moving.

I continued creating.

I continued showing up.

Canada Day in Ottawa

 Yeah!

What started out as a working trip has turned into a holiday for E so I am looking much more forward to it.

The plan as it stands now is that he will be here on the 28th, On the 29th we will be heading out to Ottawa. He asked me if there was anyplace I'd like to stop on the way. I haven't answered him yet but I will today.

Found several places of interest on the routes offered but which I get to see is for E to decide as he is the driver

July 1st: LeBreton Flats Park for the daytime ceremony, from noon to 1:15 pm (ET). The daytime ceremony kicks off the national celebrations with a look at our past, present and future. It underlines important anniversaries and themes while recognizing the diversity of our country. You’ll also have a chance to see the Canada Day Royal Canadian Air Force Centennial Flypast!

I had plans but due to a mis-step I ended up hurting my calve  which meant that I wasn't able to do nearly as much walking as I planned. 

Instead we stayed in the room until a couple of hours before sunset and wandered By Ward listening to the music and just enjoying a bit of outside. The energy was super.

While in the room we did see the snowbirds fly over and we certainly heard them. it was a simple v-formation close in to each other and then a small v with a few planes lagging behind just like the geese used to.

We saw some of the fireworks while walking up Rideau towards the residence but ended up watching them on you-tube, I was a bit sad by how short the time was but they were quite nice just the same

The weekend was actually very nice despite the screw up with my leg. 

If you get a chance to go to Ottawa check out By-ward Market. At the front is seating galore for the ones who just want to sit and feel the energy in the city. At the front of the building is a restaurant and a dessert place, when I am just chillin' I sat on the outside portion of the restaurant and as long as I had a bottle of pop or something else from the place they don't bother you. I don't recall its actual name I just call it the cafe.

Inside the building is some of my favourite clothing, it a little on the expensive side but the quality is well worth it

May 13- Take off and arrival

 Getting up at 6 am is ungodly early but we had to leave by 7 am to get to the airport on time. We went to the airport by Lyft so that wasn't so bad and he was able to get us there well within our window. 

One good thing to know about travelling by plane, put your ticket on your phone because you have to show it at least 5 times before you get on the plane. You will also need some kind of ID to get on the plane. As an unseasoned traveller I have a lot to learn, this is only my second time flying. Next time maybe I'll fly east instead of west.

E has been talking about driving there but he is our only driver so it will take a week or more to drive there to allow him adequate rest time. We have a couple of trips in the works but as E is fond of reminding me all the good things in life cost money. And this trip cost him $1000 dollars to bring me. He figures I should know, so I will be suitably grateful.

Wow I am in a cynical mood today, I hope I am not turning into a grumpy old lady. He is able to afford it so it is not that big of a deal but still... gratitude love but I don't care about money. 

I never really have, as long as I have enough to pay my bills and buy food I'm not worried, shrug, but E and I come from very different backgrounds which is why we work. If he came from my world I don't think I would like him much.

OK back to the topic of today. The wait to get on the plane was about two hours and I spent it reading and playing cards, oh and charging my devices. The airline we took is called PORTER and it includes free WI-Fi on the plane and charging stations both in the airport and in the plane.

The trip itself was without incident although we did hit a bit of turbulence on our decent, not a lot but you could feel the plane shake a little. We landed in this maze of an airport where you had to go up then down then around and down again. Crazy!

I took pictures of course being me of takeoff and landing, I was amused to see the guy in front of me videotape the whole process which felt like an hour but was probably much less. I slept a lot on the plane because trying to read made me dizzy.

When we arrived at the hotel we were very pleasantly surprised, it looks sorta rustic on the outside but inside was anything but. We walked into a room that held two queen sized beds, a full bath including a tub deep enough to soak in, a kitchenette that included a stove top, a sink, a fridge and a microwave, there is a balcony that looks out onto a driveway and a highway but despite that still looks nice. there is this vine wrapped tree right outside our window that is absolutely gorgeous.

After stopping at Triple O Burger (its inside a service station) we drove out to the first site so he could know the route for Tuesday(today) and I got my first surprise. It seems that I had the wrong address for the first site so I could not do the walk I had planned. 

That only meant that I got to sleep in a little though I still woke up at my usual 7 am. And around 10 am I'll call E and see if he is available to take me out to explore a bit. The first place on my list was something called the Tower of Bauble but since that hasn't happened yet I'll stop for now. I have decided that I will upload my pictures to Instagram so you can find them @cherylmarois 

Triple O burgers

Our Hotel

Mountains everywhere you look

 

May 12- One more Day 'til we leave for Vancouver

 Yesterday was a great day! We left Peterpatch around 8am and headed to Toronto. We had a full day planned. The two main things for the day was the Ripley's Aquarium then watch a production of Les Miserable @ Mervish Theatre.

The Aquarium was a great test for Night photography on my phone as they keep it so dim there. When I remembered to wait for it to finish processing I got some lovely shots like these

Sea Anemone

Star Fish

Look like dandelions to me

We visited the gift shop on our way out and I got another magnet for my fridge. That cute little purple guy.

After that we stopped for lunch, from a hotdog cart, I got a mild polish sausage, I ate the sausage and gave all or almost all of the bun to the birds. There were pigeons and wrens vying for it. The wrens are quick and if they can hold it in their beak they will take it, they even tryed with the much bigger pieces I threw out for the pigeons. It was quite funny actually watching this small bird try to take a piece of bread bigger than their head.

After we ate we still had a couple of hours before the show so we went across the street to look around the train museum. I saw an engine the size of a car and another made from wood as well as tons of model trains, they had three showcases full.

GS#1 would love it I think!

We headed back to the theatre stopping too get a beavertail at a place outside the aquarium. I was a bit upset about the service there and my beavertail was way too crispy but delicious anyway.

On the way back we went under this bridge, E told me what it was called but I don't remember. They had painted the walls on both sides with famous natives

Most of the paintings were defaced in one way or another which really saddened me. People should have more respect for their historical heros.

Les Miserables was excellent! It made me laugh and cry and gave me goosebumps like a good play should. E keeps asking why we had to see it twice so I remind him he saw Phantom of the opera 10 times so he really has no room to talk.

Something is a classic for a reason and Les Mis is definitly a classic.

I got 4 pins for my hat, they are pretty cool but I think my favourite is "One More Day".

We headed back home and tryed out the Local Boston Pizza which was a bit disappointing, service was so slow a meal that should have been done in half an hour lasted nearly 2 hours though the food was pretty good.

July 14: West Edmonton Mall

 

I will be honest by the time we got here I was beat but it was our last day before returning home so we spent an hour or so looking around. I didn't take very many pictures

The first thing I saw when I walked in was an Ice Rink and not a small one either, there was a hockey game going on. It was a peewee team but we didn't stop, it was cold in that hall.

I took a photo of the Map but it didn't turn out well so this one is from their website.

You can see how massive it is! 

There was so much to see that I was sad that I was too tired to really enjoy it, maybe next time we'll do it first instead of last.

I realize that this is nearly a year over due but it has been a very difficult time for me between dealing with the Cancer, GD #3's break down followed by my own, a bout of Covid and months stuck so deep in my head I wasn't sure I'd ever find my way out. I hope since then I have made some amends.

July 13 The Calgary Stampede

I spent a productive day in the hotel room, basically recovering from all the exercise I'd been doing. This turned out to be a bad idea cause I became more aware of the aches and pains throughout my body which made me a bit whiny.

I did walk a little bit to the plaza beside the hotel and had a nice lunch at Ricky's, I tasted Chicken and Waffles for the first time. Not bad but as usual way too much food. 

When Rob got back we headed out to the Stampede and in particular the Chuck wagon races which is why I wanted to go. Except... as with many big fairs... we had a hard time finding parking anywhere close to the venue.

Once parked we headed to the fairgrounds. Along the way, I saw an interesting sight.

The ruins of an old hospital. We had to walk by it so we could get to the entrance. I explored it a bit then we joined the thong of people headed to the grounds.

We followed the wrong group and ended up at the entrance to the concert that was happening that night.

After a long wait in line and an explanation, the cashier directed us to the main entrance.

On the way there I saw scooters that were apparently for everyone to ride but I couldn't get Rob to try one so we walked and we walked and we walked. LOL, it was a place full of sights, sounds and smells which made it difficult to pay attention to much for any length of time.

We saw this Installation on the way to the midway, children were everywhere climbing on them and pretending they were real. I was tempted but figured I was too old to climb things taller than me. 

I love my everlovin' but on occasion, he is too focused on the adult thing to do instead of just letting himself have fun for a bit. That day he was in full adult mode much to my frustration.

The Strangest thing I saw was the various types of foods made with strange ingredients like this Pickle Pizza, and deep-fried Dads Cookies I saw nearby.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                I got lots of pictures of the chuck wagon races, we watched eight of them before feeling the need to go out and explore a bit more. This is the best one as far as I can tell:

They were so fast each heat was only like 5 minutes long so I got a lot of wagons and horses just never the whole thing at once. I almost asked my Everloving to take me closer to the starting point so I could get a better picture but the crowd was insane and I don't do well in crowds.

After this, we did another more leisurely walk cause I had seen a red cowboy hat I wanted but it was a child's hat and I couldn't ask for one because of that, not sure why.

Eventually, we came to a tent of the supplier of Cowboy hats since I didn't need to explain to anyone that it was for me I bought it. I also found a sheriff star and another pin for my grandsons.

And for me, a lava whip while wearing the coveted red cowboy hat. 

All in all an excellent day, well except for the very end of the night. It had just started to get dark when we left. We headed back out the way we came in to get to the car but we couldn't find it. So I went to talk to the security types in one of those carts they drive around in. They were very nice and gave us a lift back to our vehicle. Turned out we had entered the parking lot in the wrong place. So a bit of a panic situation, our first thought was theft but no we both just had a bad directional evening.

The plaque by the horse statuary

Calgary skyline from the fairgrounds

One Guess Who Helped Sponsor It!
Yahoo that's who!

July 12

 Today we head to Calgary after E is done working. We packed up and checked out of the Sandman. I spent most of the day in a place called Cafe on 54. E joined me and grabbed himself a Reuban when he was done which he seem to like.

I worked on the journal and drew a picture of Edmonton before we landed. 

Scan and add photo of art work.

We had to wait for the network guy while he returned his car so we hung out at a nearby gas station though it was a bit more than that with a car wash and a convenience store. It was a long wait so I grabbed some junk food. I lost one of the things I bought but the 7 day croissant was pretty good.

The network guy wanted to stop at a beach called Sylvan Beach on the way to Calgary. It was interesting, one of those lakes where you can walk out a long way before it starts to get above your knees. There was a camping area, a playground, and a small marina.

   

I walked along the kelp-strewn beach looking for a stone or two, what I found were waterlogged wood chips.

We arrived in Calgary quite late but we were all hungry so we stopped at Taj Mahal Restaurant for dinner. E got Butter Chicken and the Network guy got some kind of vegetarian dish, I only got a Lassi so I had a choice while they each ate their own thing. The network guy raised a bit of a stink cause E offered to pay the whole bill but he insisted it be split.

We dropped him at his hotel and headed to the Holiday Express. While it wasn't nearly as impressive as the Sandman it was decent with a separate bedroom and space for a meeting if required. It did have a nice fireplace and a counter for the kitchenette so we both had work space.

Needless to say we went to sleep pretty quick. It was a big travel day and we had another one coming up in another day & a half.

July 11

 We had the hotel room for two nights so I decided to spend my second day in Alberta exploring South Common Mall which covers 5 acres or more, all outside entrances, no covered walkways here.

He dropped me off in front of Michaels so I would have a starting place I wouldn't forget. 

After getting embroidery needles, pencil crayons & a drawing book I headed out to my next goal. I really needed my hair trimmed so I looked around until I found a barber shop. I thought I might get a good deal but it ended up costing me the same as it would if I'd gone to a salon. Even so I felt tons better once my hair wasn't such a mess. The place was called Tommy Gun's Original Barbershop. I liked the woman who did my hair a lot, she was patient but talkative. Highly recommend this place!

Alberta has been under a smoke haze from various wildfires so instead of a warm day it was kinda cool so I went looking for a place I could get a cheap sweater. I found an Old Navy. It was difficult to leave that store with just the sweater, they had so many pretty dresses ...

I was hungry and wanted to sit and write for a bit so I went looking for a Tim Hortons. After about half an hour of rest I headed back to the Michaels only to get side-tracked into a Lindt store. I had some luck and found a small package of their chocolate which I bought.

I was headed back to Michaels when I remembered the movie theatre that is there. I decided I was going to treat myself to a movie before heading back to the hotel.

I watched a movie called Astroid City. It was a genre that I wasn't familiar with but I did enjoy it along with my popcorn and a couple of chocolates.

Once it was over I decided to head back to the hotel so I called a cab, it was only $13 from the theatre to the hotel which seems very reasonable to me.

Sadly when I got back to the hotel I could not remember our room number and had a bit of a panic attack even went as far as talking to the cleaning staff before going to the front desk to ask. After I dropped off my stuff I decided to look into the on-site restaurants.

Both Chop and Denny's are on site so we could go high-end (Chop) or comfort food (Denny's). We decided on Denny's.

After a good meal and our other routines, we headed to bed. I slept amazingly considering how much walking I did today.

July 9th & 10th

 I was on my way to see GD#3 in Aurora with my son when he made me an offer I couldn't refuse.

Everlovin' was planning on coming down to get me that night after work. I was a little worried because it meant he would be very tired after working all day and then driving the 2 hrs to get me and the 2 hrs back cause we needed to be at the airport at 9:30 or so. My son said that Aurora was pretty close to where Everlovin' lives near the border of Toronto and Markham so he could drop me off and save Everlovin from having to make the trip. It also meant I could worry less about his heart and the fatigue he would be feeling with the time change between Ontario and Alberta.

So instead of spending the night traveling
dinner was provided by my MIL and I got to sit out under the gazebo and see all the pretty flowers my BIL has grown.

I need to say before I go any further that I had never been on a jet before, I'd ridden in a fixed wing so it wasn't totally strange. I was beyond excited and nervous, first to be going into a real airport, and second for riding in a jet (Airbus320).

So much to tell, all exciting to me but maybe not so much you. E showed me how to measure my bags to make sure they were the right size, and we checked the big suitcase. When our flight was called they asked people to put their carry-ons into stowage but we didn't.

We then had to go through the metal detector. I had to hand over both my bags and go through them, thankfully I didn't have any problems though E had to go through them a couple of times because of his tools.

On the other side, they opened our bags searching for Contraband, luckily the only thing I had was a pair of scissors which I lost because they were a cm too long, I'm just glad I had my backup pair.

We sat and waited what felt like hours before our flight was called. We waited in the waiting area. Our tickets were standby tickets so they had to assign us our seats before takeoff

E and I were in the same row on the plane. He got a window seat so he switched with me so I had the window and he was on the aisle; it was my first time after all and he was being nice. Love that man of mine!

This was just before we started to taxi to lift off. Because we were at the tail end of the plane the wing kinda got in the way of the view a little.

Once in the air, I watched out my window for a while til we got above the clouds. I tried to get photos and if any turned out I will share them on Facebook.

During the rest of the 4-hour trip, I read and watched our fellow passengers. I saw a family group standing around a row of seats I'm assuming the seated ones were elders but I couldn't see their faces.

My seatmates were a couple of age with me so we mainly ignored each other. There was the proverbial kid in front of us that kept pushing back on the seat and shaking the table my tablet was on.

In front of me was a screen on which I could keep track of how close we were to our destination, at the one-hour out mark I put my stuff away and got a few winks.

 

After touchdown, it was a simple process although waiting for our big bag on the carousel worried me a bit. We went and got our car from the rental place. That was fun (not) we went to the window we thought we were supposed to go sent to another one and then were looked after by this nice lady who was just beginning a second shift.

We found the car and headed out to the hotel. After getting our room we went out to get dinner. For the first time in years, I had dinner at the Olive Garden. Delicious as always!

Our hotel room was literally exactly what I would like my tiny house to be with a kitchenette, laundry, and a breakfast nook so we had space for both of us to have a desk. It was absolutely perfect!

After relaxing and doing our games we went to sleep. I slept so well that night!