No Idea

 I have mentioned that I have Dysthymia.  What is dysthymia? Dysthymia is  a milder, but long-lasting form of depression . It's also called a persistent depressive disorder. People with this condition may also have bouts of major depression at times. Depression is a mood disorder that involves your body, mood, and thoughts. Body, Mood, Thoughts Body: Hurts, involuntary muscle twitches, hands shake, head aches Mood: None, no fucks given, no joy or anger to be found. Thoughts: Blank unless I am cursing my body. all of this equals Major depression. I started this entry in the hopes that I would be able to create some kind of plan to get myself back to myself but the headache is just getting worse and I feel tiredness pulling at me. I may have to wait it out a little longer. NO that is the depression talking. I know that and still I just want to stop trying. Just stop and hold still for a little while longer. Maybe disappear into a thc haze for a few days. Or go back to sleeping 12 ho

 No apology, I spent last year dealing with Breast Cancer and the slow progress through the various steps of diagnosis, removal, radiation treatment, and chemotherapy. I was lucky in that the radiation they used was electrical rather than nuclear so only burned my skin instead of losing all my hair and extreme weakness. Because I caught it so early the only chemo I had to do was a pill. Mind you it is a pill that suppresses estrogen so I am having sweats and hot flashes ie menopausal symptoms. Since I already did that between 50 and 59 I am not keen to re-experience it, still, the alternative is a reoccurrence of cancer so I will accept it as necessary. My main concern these days is the emptiness I feel inside where my creativity used to reside. You would think such a thing would make me more creative instead of less. In truth I have had little interest in much of anything except for my game "Knights and Brides", watching Netflix in series binges, and reading, though the read