Lies, Lies and more lies

I am so tired of the lies I keep hearing from GD#3, at the same time it is not my place to correct her. She said she was going home tomorrow, I hope so cause I really can't deal with her right now. I wish there was some way for me to disappear for a few weeks.

Time to contemplate my life and ... what? I honestly don't know. Robs heart attack made him take better care of himself, me ... nothing seems to have changed for me other than to see how barren my life has become. I honestly don't know the last time I felt I had meaning, that my continued existence had meaning, tonight I am not sure if it does.

Oh I am sure my family would disagree but I don't know why I am still alive. I am not sure that I even want to be alive. I feel like my dad did just before mom died, I need a long vacation from my life.

I am not even sure I can explain it to you, the emptiness I feel inside me. I am a mirror or a lamp post to the people in my life but there is no real core I can point to and say "that is who I am". I am a mirror and nothing more. There is no "Cheryl" just automatic responses. Did I say mirror, perhaps it is more like a robot. Present but not "present".

The worst part is it doesn't feel like depression, it feels ... like nothing. No place for me anywhere. Nothing I can point to and say that is me. I am hollow, empty, useless.

Even my phone doesn't belong to me anymore.

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Embracing Self-Love in Your 60s: Nurturing Your Well-being

As we journey through life, self-love becomes an increasingly important companion, especially as we reach our 60s. This is a time for embracing who we are, celebrating our journey, and prioritizing our well-being like never before. Self-love isn't just about indulging in occasional treats; it's a daily practice of nurturing our minds, bodies, and spirits. Here are some tips to help you embrace self-love in your 60s and beyond: 1. Prioritize Self-Care: Start each day with a simple self-care routine. Whether it's a few minutes of meditation, a calming cup of tea, or a morning stretch, setting aside time for yourself can set a positive tone for the day. 2. Move Your Body: Staying active is key to maintaining both physical and mental health. Find activities that you enjoy and that suit your fitness level, whether it's gentle yoga, walking in nature, or dancing to your favourite tunes. 3. ...

Perhaps I was a little hasty...

Last night all I could think about was getting out of this town and going to someplace safe and quiet. Funny enough when I went searching for safe and affordable Peterborough was actually on the list and yes the list was new as of June 2022. Kinda surprised to find that we are actually pretty safe here despite all the stuff going on. I was watching Tik Tok and this guy was jogging down a street in Vancouver, there were literally dozens of tents and homeless all along the street. Made me realize that we do have it pretty good here even with the rents doubling in the last six months. I would rather not leave Ontario but the cheapest rents are in Quebec and one of the eastern provinces, I can't remember which one off the top of my head. This is scary Maybe I'll find a way to curb the urge to run away for awhile.

Present and Future

If I asked you to run away with me would you? Before you answer there are conditions: You would have to leave your job, your home and your family. Before you ask, I would be doing the same. You would only be able to bring one laptop and enough clothes for a week There would be no plan other than to hop on a bus to Toronto and then grab the first train leaving the station. Would you run away with me? I am confident what you would say but I still needed to ask the question. Sometime in the next two years I am going to do just that. I am so done with this town. I am done living my life the way I "should", I want to live my life the way I want. I thought maybe some land and a house were all I would need to be happy. I had that with you and look where we are now. Living different lives in different cities and both of us content with that for the most part. Except that I am no longer content, my feet have been getting itcher and itcher for the past couple of years. I don't thi...

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