Skip to main content

I am enough.

Image
By

 Whitewolf, Alexa. Fated Rogues: A Paranormal Romance Series Starter Collection (Rogues Extended Universe Book 1) (p. 691). Luna Imprints. Kindle Edition. 

I am enough? am I

I am enough! I AM

I am enough. (certainty)

But am I really? I am sufficient enough for me but for others I don't know. Not the point I wanted to talk about tonight, it was here from November 26 and figured I'd jump in and type for awhile cause my brain is having all kinds of thoughts and some of them contradict each other.

Lets start with the bane of my existence at this time GD#3. I want to think of her as a cute 10-year-old and she can be cute but I wonder how much she says to me is real and how much is made up.

For instance she refused to take a bath here but did so at her grandmothers without any fuss. When I asked her why she wouldn't answer me. Is she testing me & Myles to see how far she can get? I know that is highly possible but at the same time neither Myles nor I care for confrontation, though I have to admit my temper has been getting the better of me lately.

OK I went of somewhere and now I have lost my train of thought. I can't help feeling manipulated by her but I can't pinpoint how she is doing it. I also feel like she lies to us everyday but I have no proof. 

When we started this I thought surely she can't be that bad, now I'm thinking she may be in far worse shape than I thought.

She has claimed to hear her squishmallows talking too loud for her to sleep in the same room as them, just another excuse to refuse to sleep in that room by herself. Before this she claimed to see faces in the dark. (Yeah I know that happens a lot with kids with over-active imaginations) but it is still worrying.

I think each time she has a fit I'm going to start recording her and listening to it afterwards. Myles says we argue a lot and I agree to an extent but ... She is ungrateful, narcissistic, contrary, rude and outright disobedient. Can I help her find a more positive path through life? At this point I don't think I will be able to. My hope is that the time she spends at the facility in Toronto will lead her there.

If it does not then I guess I will lose another grand-daughter to a painful, self punishing path.

Is it even my right to interfere, to try and lead her in a more positive direction then the one she seems to be headed in. I come from a different era, I know that and if I spoke to my parents the way she speaks to hers I'd have been knocked silly. Or worse.

I am tired now. I am fed up. and if I could find a way to disappear I would take it in a heartbeat but then I wouldn't really happy that alone so I would end up coming back to this mess.

  1. a person who has an excessive interest in or admiration of themselves.
    "narcissists who think the world revolves around them"
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Rest Assured I'm still here

By
 Albeit tired in a way I can not describe well but I will try. November was a quiet month with very little going on and was just what I needed after such a busy summer. I am still feeling off but that may have been because I had what I think was a mini-stroke just at the end of November then December brought GD#3 back full-time. The shakes are steadily getting worse and the headaches are back. It has been awhile since I felt so tense and afraid. It could just be a stress headache but I keep coming back to the massive one I had the night before I got checked out for the stroke. It frightens me but it shouldn't I used to get them a lot last winter, it's because our radiators blow warm, dry air and it dries me out. The thing is even drinking water does not seem to help much. My guess is that I am very dehydrated from the heaters, with the added stress of Christmas and GD#3, all of which add up to "I don't feel so good". Add the mini-stroke stuff and winter arriving a...
1 comment
Read more

Perhaps I was a little hasty...

By
 Last night all I could think about was getting out of this town and going to someplace safe and quiet.  Funny enough when I went searching for safe and affordable Peterborough was actually on the list and yes the list was new as of June 2022. Kinda surprised to find that we are actually pretty safe here despite all the stuff going on. I was watching Tik Tok and this guy was jogging down a street in Vancouver, there were literally dozens of tents and homeless all along the street. Made me realize that we do have it pretty good here even with the rents doubling in the last six months. I would rather not leave Ontario but the cheapest rents are in Quebec and one of the eastern provinces, I can't remember which one off the top of my head. This is scary Maybe I'll find a way to curb the urge to run away for awhile.
1 comment
Read more

I'm Good (Blue)

By
"Part of the problem, time to set boundaries"- Everlovin Yeah I've been realizing that. A long time ago a counsellor told me that as well but I don't know if I have ever had any boundries in my life other than the usual if you hurt me or my kids you are gone. Back then it was physical stuff, emotional and mental pain were not part of my knowledge. I am more aware of it now but I don't have protect myself that way. "Start, if nothing else they will never learn to stand on their own 2 feet if you are constantly saving them from themselves"- Everlovin  Me and my partner discussing Personal Space. Not from him he is pretty good at giving me the space I need my children and grandchildren not so much     He says this song should be my theme song but it really isn't even close to the way I feel about my life these days. Once maybe but it has been a long time. I've read a lot of books in my life about self awareness in its many forms (self-care, self-est...
Post a Comment
Read more