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I am enough.

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 Whitewolf, Alexa. Fated Rogues: A Paranormal Romance Series Starter Collection (Rogues Extended Universe Book 1) (p. 691). Luna Imprints. Kindle Edition. 

I am enough? am I

I am enough! I AM

I am enough. (certainty)

But am I really? I am sufficient enough for me but for others I don't know. Not the point I wanted to talk about tonight, it was here from November 26 and figured I'd jump in and type for awhile cause my brain is having all kinds of thoughts and some of them contradict each other.

Lets start with the bane of my existence at this time GD#3. I want to think of her as a cute 10-year-old and she can be cute but I wonder how much she says to me is real and how much is made up.

For instance she refused to take a bath here but did so at her grandmothers without any fuss. When I asked her why she wouldn't answer me. Is she testing me & Myles to see how far she can get? I know that is highly possible but at the same time neither Myles nor I care for confrontation, though I have to admit my temper has been getting the better of me lately.

OK I went of somewhere and now I have lost my train of thought. I can't help feeling manipulated by her but I can't pinpoint how she is doing it. I also feel like she lies to us everyday but I have no proof. 

When we started this I thought surely she can't be that bad, now I'm thinking she may be in far worse shape than I thought.

She has claimed to hear her squishmallows talking too loud for her to sleep in the same room as them, just another excuse to refuse to sleep in that room by herself. Before this she claimed to see faces in the dark. (Yeah I know that happens a lot with kids with over-active imaginations) but it is still worrying.

I think each time she has a fit I'm going to start recording her and listening to it afterwards. Myles says we argue a lot and I agree to an extent but ... She is ungrateful, narcissistic, contrary, rude and outright disobedient. Can I help her find a more positive path through life? At this point I don't think I will be able to. My hope is that the time she spends at the facility in Toronto will lead her there.

If it does not then I guess I will lose another grand-daughter to a painful, self punishing path.

Is it even my right to interfere, to try and lead her in a more positive direction then the one she seems to be headed in. I come from a different era, I know that and if I spoke to my parents the way she speaks to hers I'd have been knocked silly. Or worse.

I am tired now. I am fed up. and if I could find a way to disappear I would take it in a heartbeat but then I wouldn't really happy that alone so I would end up coming back to this mess.

  1. a person who has an excessive interest in or admiration of themselves.
    "narcissists who think the world revolves around them"
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