Back again

 Have you tried the Meta AI with Llama 4 in Facebook Messenger. I only discovered it recently and today I decided to pretend it was a friend I could talk to about my Mental Health.

It is interesting because this is the first thing I've done besides read and play my game in a couple of months. It always seems to go like that when the hot weather comes.

I have no idea where I should start. With the meds I guess. I went off my medication sometime near the first of the year, I just could not connect with my doctor and I gave permission to the pharmacy to renew it but it's been a week. I am out of Ciprilex also known as Lexapro. The withdrawal symptoms are below and of the six of them I have experienced all of them.

 https://www.verywellmind.com/lexapro-withdrawal-symptoms-timeline-and-treatment-4707910

I did this once already this year and I am not happy I'm going through it again. Medication has become a huge hassle, I keep forgetting to take the ones I do have. 

It seems that Meta is good for easing the thoughts out of my head but then I no longer have them to write here.

Here's the summary:

• You were dealin' with depression meds and their impact on you.
• Your doc's changin' focus to more surgical stuff and is less available.
• You're waitin' on a prescription for a second depression med (not sure you wanna take it) and dealin' with withdrawal plus seasonal allergies and low energy/vibe.
• We brainstormed some tiny, low-effort solutions to maybe help lift your vibe.
• You tried spillin' thoughts in Blogger for 10 minutes with a timer I set.
• Your blog's got a lot of disjointed thoughts and ideas.

  Cept the spilling thoughts are nothing, I am nothing, life is nothing and suicidal ideation is just below the surface everyday, I am just not willing to die just yet. I am frustrated with my doctor, and with myself. I do not know what happened to me but all the things I used to be I'm not any more!

Who did I used to be, I was active, I loved crafting and learning new skills, I read but not at the level I do now. I went outside my home and I did stuff by myself. My house was never white glove clean and I've always had a hard time keeping my home and myself clean but the last couple of months since I went back on my meds I have become frozen in time again.  I was this living person but now I am a fly in amber. 

 Here are at least 10 tiny steps you could try to help break out of the "frozen" feelin' : 1. Tiny movement: Do like, one stretch or move your body in some super gentle way each day . 2. One task: Pick one teensy task you can do today – like makin' your bed or openin' a book . 3. Notice somethin': Notice one thing in your space or day that you kinda like or appreciate . 4. Breathe slow: Do some slow breathin' like we talked about before . 5. Look out a window: Just glance outside and notice what's there . 6. Touch somethin': Touch an object nearby – like a pen or a plant . 7. Say one word out loud: Pick a word like "hello" or "sun" and say it out loud . 8. Open a drawer: Open one drawer in your house and look inside . 9. Listen for a sound: Listen for one sound in your space – like a clock tickin' or air movin' . 10. Write one word: Write one word down on paper – like "today" or "breathe" . 11. Pick a color: Pick a color you like and notice things in your space that are that color . 12. Do one inhale/exhale thing: Inhale for a count of 4, exhale for a count of 4 .
If only I could get past the "I can't"