I was going through my blog recently and realized something important: December 2024 came and went without any kind of year in review. At the time, I did not think much of it, but looking back now I can see how much that missing pause mattered. I do not function well without some kind of plan or reflection, and this past year really shows that. Skipping that moment of looking back may be one reason I have felt so lost moving through 2025.
When I reread my posts from early 2025, I noticed something else too. Things are better in some ways, yet emotionally I am still close to where I was in January. Winter has always pulled me inward, and December and January seem to amplify everything. I know this is common and that many people struggle more in the colder, darker months, but it always feels heavier when it is happening to you personally. Awareness does not stop the feeling, but it does help me name it.
This past year carried a lot of emotional weight, especially around family milestones. When the first grandchildren gets married, it stirs something deep, and when it happens within a short span, the emotions can feel overwhelming. Add in significant birthdays and major life markers, and it all stacks up quickly. These are good events, meaningful ones, but even joyful change can be exhausting when there is already a lot sitting under the surface.
Despite how foggy much of the year feels, there were bright moments that stand out clearly now. One of the highlights was visiting Casa Loma in Toronto while they were preparing for their Halloween gala. Seeing that historic place in transition was fascinating and memorable. I also experienced a Christkindl market and a Krampus Nacht event for the first time, which felt both strange and wonderful. Those moments mattered, even if I did not fully appreciate them at the time. They remind me that wonder still shows up, even when I am distracted by my own thoughts.
The truth is, I do not remember large parts of the year very well. I was too lost inside my own head. There was a lot of emotional spinning and not much structure. Looking back, I can see how easily self pity crept in and how little it helped. Laughing at myself helped more than sinking deeper, because tears alone do not create change unless they lead somewhere useful.
This year became less about what happened and more about what it revealed. Reading my own words showed me patterns that have been repeating for decades. Grief, stress, and responsibility have layered themselves one on top of another, and each time I regain my footing, something new seems to knock me sideways. Recognizing that pattern is uncomfortable but necessary. It helps explain why drifting has become my default and why focus feels so difficult to maintain.
What this year really taught me is that reflection is not indulgent, and it is not weakness. When done honestly, it becomes a tool. Without it, I drift. Without some kind of structure, I lose momentum and direction. That realization alone feels like progress, even if it does not come with instant solutions.
This has been more of a review of my inner landscape than a neat list of accomplishments or failures, and that is okay. Maybe this is exactly the kind of review I needed after all. 2025 was good in some ways and hard in others. Helping people in small ways brought meaning. Frustrations also took up more mental space than they deserved. Learning to let go of that mental clutter feels like part of the work ahead.
Looking back now, I can see that this year was not empty or wasted. It was quiet, messy, emotional, and unfinished. It showed me where I get stuck and what I need more of going forward: structure, intention, and gentleness, especially during the winter months. Naming all of this feels like the first solid step toward steadier ground and a more intentional year ahead.
Closing note:
In my next post, I look forward instead of back. I start turning these reflections into simple, practical goals for 2026, focusing on health, creativity, home, and showing up for life with more intention.
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