No Idea

Hopefully this will help Lady Eliza. This is where I found mine.

 She has been displaying symptoms of mental illness. The adults in our family have been doing the best we can to mitigate the symptoms. The behaviors just kept getting worse. Two days ago she took off from a public building for the third time. Her mother with my full support had her admitted to the mental health centre at the local hospital. Tomorrow she will be released and there is no plan in place. I feel that if she doesn't end up there again tomorrow night it will be in less than a month. That is unless they gave her some medication to calm her down.  As expected she arrived and within 3 days was in my care. For a day and a half I let her scream, at the end of which time she went to her maternal grandparents and then to her mother. I have agreed to take her for a few hours as needed but I will not have her stay here overnight, which I suppose was her reason for screaming all day. My poor neighbours! I have a minor case of PTSD after that, I hear her screaming in my mind at the

 The ongoing trials and tribulations of dealing with two ODD personalities. The oldest refuses to engage in any consequences of the seconds' behavior. He doesn't do consequences or confrontations both of which are required in this situation. Tough love is unacceptable to him. The second one has got it into her head that she can act any way she wants and she will be let go, (no consequences). So you would think a match made in heaven except that they mix like oil and vinegar. I'm the water that keeps them balanced I guess. But I can't do it alone, I won't do it alone. Myles kicked me out for taking action. I did not even plan on them leaving the apartment just bagging them and leaving them as a reminder that there are consequences for her actions. What I should have done is take them out to the garbage. No I couldn't do that, that would be a step too far. I don't know how Donna did it. I can't, Not with Myles going between one extreme and the other. I ref

 Whitewolf, Alexa. Fated Rogues: A Paranormal Romance Series Starter Collection (Rogues Extended Universe Book 1) (p. 691). Luna Imprints. Kindle Edition.  I am enough? am I I am enough! I AM I am enough. (certainty) But am I really? I am sufficient enough for me but for others I don't know. Not the point I wanted to talk about tonight, it was here from November 26 and figured I'd jump in and type for awhile cause my brain is having all kinds of thoughts and some of them contradict each other. Lets start with the bane of my existence at this time GD#3. I want to think of her as a cute 10-year-old and she can be cute but I wonder how much she says to me is real and how much is made up. For instance she refused to take a bath here but did so at her grandmothers without any fuss. When I asked her why she wouldn't answer me. Is she testing me & Myles to see how far she can get? I know that is highly possible but at the same time neither Myles nor I care for confrontation, t

 I am so tired of the lies I keep hearing from GD#3, at the same time it is not my place to correct her. She said she was going home tomorrow, I hope so cause I really can't deal with her right now. I wish there was some way for me to disappear for a few weeks. Time to contemplate my life and ... what? I honestly don't know. Robs heart attack made him take better care of himself, me ... nothing seems to have changed for me other than to see how barren my life has become. I honestly don't know the last time I felt I had meaning, that my continued existence had meaning, tonight I am not sure if it does. Oh I am sure my family would disagree but I don't know why I am still alive. I am not sure that I even want to be alive. I feel like my dad did just before mom died, I need a long vacation from my life. I am not even sure I can explain it to you, the emptiness I feel inside me. I am a mirror or a lamp post to the people in my life but there is no real core I can point to a

"Part of the problem, time to set boundaries"- Everlovin Yeah I've been realizing that. A long time ago a counsellor told me that as well but I don't know if I have ever had any boundries in my life other than the usual if you hurt me or my kids you are gone. Back then it was physical stuff, emotional and mental pain were not part of my knowledge. I am more aware of it now but I don't have protect myself that way. "Start, if nothing else they will never learn to stand on their own 2 feet if you are constantly saving them from themselves"- Everlovin  Me and my partner discussing Personal Space. Not from him he is pretty good at giving me the space I need my children and grandchildren not so much     He says this song should be my theme song but it really isn't even close to the way I feel about my life these days. Once maybe but it has been a long time. I've read a lot of books in my life about self awareness in its many forms (self-care, self-est

 As you are aware I claim Paganism as my Spiritual practice, Nov 1st is our New Years day and with the completion of the radiation treatments I am finally able to look at things more clearly than I have in the last couple of years.  Yeah, first Covid then Breast Cancer been a real interesting few years. Not happy but interesting. Yesterday I started the Estrogen blockers and today I am having my first hot flash since I turned 60, while I am not happy about that the alternative as my everlovin would say is worse. Quite frankly less than one year for the process from diagnosis to treatment isn't bad but is not something I want to repeat any time soon so menopause a second time. Though at least this is only 5 years unlike the ten of the first time. Once I brought it to my doctor's attention things moved quickly but taking it to the doctor was something I delayed for a couple of months because at first, I thought it was from a fall I took in the winter. Note to self the next time I