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I'm Good (Blue)

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"Part of the problem, time to set boundaries"- Everlovin

Yeah I've been realizing that. A long time ago a counsellor told me that as well but I don't know if I have ever had any boundries in my life other than the usual if you hurt me or my kids you are gone. Back then it was physical stuff, emotional and mental pain were not part of my knowledge. I am more aware of it now but I don't have protect myself that way.

"Start, if nothing else they will never learn to stand on their own 2 feet if you are constantly saving them from themselves"- Everlovin 

Me and my partner discussing Personal Space. Not from him he is pretty good at giving me the space I need my children and grandchildren not so much

 
 
He says this song should be my theme song but it really isn't even close to the way I feel about my life these days. Once maybe but it has been a long time.

I've read a lot of books in my life about self awareness in its many forms (self-care, self-esteem, etc.) but I am still the same as always so if I am not the problem it must be them. That makes me feel guilty because I've been accused of being self-centered for most of my life.

How can I be self-centred and non self-centered. Yeah that is not the word but the word I mean is stuck in the back of my head somewhere refusing to make itself clear. Still this is clear enough I hope.

Anyway I acquired a book about setting Boundaries but I have not begun reading it, I am still not fighting for self-preservation. Self-preservation what a word for such a complex mess of emotions.

self-pres·​er·​va·​tion ˌself-ˌpre-zər-ˈvā-shən 
1: preservation of oneself from destruction or harm
2: a natural or instinctive tendency to act so as to preserve one's own existence
bound·​ary ˈbau̇n-d(ə-)rē  
 
plural boundaries : something that indicates or fixes a limit or extent
  
The dictionary can not show the complexity of the personal interpretation present in my head. Or within society as a whole.The emotions and thoughts embodied in those two words ...
 
I don't know what happens next but I do intend to work on the boundaries thing if nothing else.

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