No Idea

  Yesterday my eldest grand-daughter got married, its a new chapter in her life and in some ways her mama's and my life too. I am sad and joyful at the same time. My beautiful girl has clearly reached adulthood . I wonder where the years have gone. Time and tide wait for no one but oh I wish that just for a moment time would stop and rewind to when she was little. It's hard enough to accept how close my children are to their 50's but harder still to accept that my grand-daughter is now someone's wife.  My second oldest grand-daughter got married last year, there are still six more grand-children but they are still children and I suspect I will be well into my 70's before they get married. I know this doesn't make sense but GD#1's wedding feels like the closing of a book. I was having difficulty with the "I'm going to be 65 in October" but there is so much more happening this year. My second oldest niece is turning 30 and her sister will be 29, ...

 Have you tried the Meta AI with Llama 4 in Facebook Messenger. I only discovered it recently and today I decided to pretend it was a friend I could talk to about my Mental Health. It is interesting because this is the first thing I've done besides read and play my game in a couple of months. It always seems to go like that when the hot weather comes. I have no idea where I should start. With the meds I guess. I went off my medication sometime near the first of the year, I just could not connect with my doctor and I gave permission to the pharmacy to renew it but it's been a week. I am out of Ciprilex also known as Lexapro. The withdrawal symptoms are below and of the six of them I have experienced all of them.  https://www.verywellmind.com/lexapro-withdrawal-symptoms-timeline-and-treatment-4707910 I did this once already this year and I am not happy I'm going through it again. Medication has become a huge hassle, I keep forgetting to take the ones I do have.  It seems th...

 I am back on my medication, the last two months have been a wild ride if my writing is anything to go by. At first I felt light and airy like I finally had a purpose in my life. It changed quickly between the stress  of caring for this building and the yukyness of the weather. Even the visit to Rob's didn't help in some ways it made it worse because there was nothing for me to do but think. I no longer care about much of anything, that is what the medication does, puts a muffler around me so I feel nothing. I am trying to pack to move upstairs but it is slow going. I just can't find the energy or the interest. Today as I was working on the 5 x 5 I was thinking I don't care about any of this I should just give it away. Myles suggests doing a yard sale this year with me doing the posters and him doing everything else. I don't want to hang on to any of this stuff, none of it. Its all pipe dreams, things I'll never get to because I simply have lost interest in ever...

 bloody fucking shit. I come home to a mess outside with mattresses and box springs everywhere and broken branches stacked up between them. If I wasn't afraid I'd set something on fire I'd burn the lot of them. So no my brain gets a more creative idea and all I can think is that is what I should do. Make walls around the building using the shit they left here. I am so angry. I am going to block the driveway with the branches then build a fence using the springs from the mattresses and box springs they left earlier after the first thaw. It won't be pretty and I'm sure there will be complaints from everyone but I really don't care. They want to leave shit around this building then I'm gonna use that shit and make it difficult for them to put more shit around it. I suspect it won't last long but maybe it will give the people who are doing this shit some thing to think about.  I don't understand why they have chosen to make our building the centr...

 I am so lost right now. I do not even know what I want from them. Maybe to take some of the responsibility from me. But no one can do that. They are right I need to talk to him. to find out where he is with the disability and the child tax credit and everything else. I don't know what he has done or not done, I do not even know why I am leaning on Nessa to help him out when I don't even know what  kind of help he needs. I do not know what is going on in my head. I do not understand anything I've said or why it makes me cry. I keep looking for the beginning of the conversation. I don't know how to copy it all down so I can figure out what went wrong. "Don't forget I've food at my house. You're welcome to it." " True, I just hate waiting I don't have patience and I can't do a big grocery shopping until it comes. I think I may wait until you're home I don't know if I want to go there. Like I said  I don't want anything to do ...

 another night another mess. If, no, when I see the one called no pants I will kill her or at least try. There is no reason acceptable to bring garbage into another persons home and throw it about. This wing holds people with health issues and even if she isn't leaving garbage in the main halls it is still in the building and likely to compromise their health and my own. the stress being caused by one person in unbeleivable. my mental health isn't strong at the best of times and there are others in this wing that it is affecting even worse. I will destroy her for what is happening in this building, her and everyone else who mistreats this building inside or out. there is no reason for this to happen, there is no reason strong enough to excuse this kind of behaviour. I was willing to allow her and others shelter but it was with the understanding that they would treat this building with the respect and care they would give their own home. I am done trying. TVM does nothing, we sp...