Present and Future

If I asked you to run away with me would you?

Before you answer there are conditions:

You would have to leave your job, your home and your family. Before you ask, I would be doing the same.

You would only be able to bring one laptop and enough clothes for a week

There would be no plan other than to hop on a bus to Toronto and then grab the first train leaving the station.

Would you run away with me? I am confident what you would say but I still needed to ask the question. Sometime in the next two years I am going to do just that. I am so done with this town.

I am done living my life the way I "should", I want to live my life the way I want.

I thought maybe some land and a house were all I would need to be happy. I had that with you and look where we are now. Living different lives in different cities and both of us content with that for the most part.

Except that I am no longer content, my feet have been getting itcher and itcher for the past couple of years. I don't think I was ever meant to stay in one place for decades like you.

I thought I had finally found a place I could stay for the rest of my life but it isn't. I have watched this town become worse and worse. When I first came there were no beggars on the street or dozens of people without homes. The biggest addiction was alcohol, now there is a drug that can give you an excellent ride or bring death and you never know which until it happens.

This run-in with cancer has me reevaluating my life and finding it boring and safe, neither of which I ever wanted. So yeah, its 4 AM and I can't sleep, all I keep thinking is I need to get as far away from this town as I can, maybe even out of Canada entirely, though I am not sure where I would go or how I would survive but at least I wouldn't be bored.

So I will repeat my question, If I ran away would you come with me?

Comments

Rest Assured I'm still here

Albeit tired in a way I can not describe well but I will try. November was a quiet month with very little going on and was just what I needed after such a busy summer. I am still feeling off but that may have been because I had what I think was a mini-stroke just at the end of November then December brought GD#3 back full-time. The shakes are steadily getting worse and the headaches are back. It has been awhile since I felt so tense and afraid. It could just be a stress headache but I keep coming back to the massive one I had the night before I got checked out for the stroke. It frightens me but it shouldn't I used to get them a lot last winter, it's because our radiators blow warm, dry air and it dries me out. The thing is even drinking water does not seem to help much. My guess is that I am very dehydrated from the heaters, with the added stress of Christmas and GD#3, all of which add up to "I don't feel so good". Add the mini-stroke stuff and winter arriving a...

Perhaps I was a little hasty...

Last night all I could think about was getting out of this town and going to someplace safe and quiet. Funny enough when I went searching for safe and affordable Peterborough was actually on the list and yes the list was new as of June 2022. Kinda surprised to find that we are actually pretty safe here despite all the stuff going on. I was watching Tik Tok and this guy was jogging down a street in Vancouver, there were literally dozens of tents and homeless all along the street. Made me realize that we do have it pretty good here even with the rents doubling in the last six months. I would rather not leave Ontario but the cheapest rents are in Quebec and one of the eastern provinces, I can't remember which one off the top of my head. This is scary Maybe I'll find a way to curb the urge to run away for awhile.

I'm Good (Blue)

"Part of the problem, time to set boundaries"- Everlovin Yeah I've been realizing that. A long time ago a counsellor told me that as well but I don't know if I have ever had any boundries in my life other than the usual if you hurt me or my kids you are gone. Back then it was physical stuff, emotional and mental pain were not part of my knowledge. I am more aware of it now but I don't have protect myself that way. "Start, if nothing else they will never learn to stand on their own 2 feet if you are constantly saving them from themselves"- Everlovin Me and my partner discussing Personal Space. Not from him he is pretty good at giving me the space I need my children and grandchildren not so much He says this song should be my theme song but it really isn't even close to the way I feel about my life these days. Once maybe but it has been a long time. I've read a lot of books in my life about self awareness in its many forms (self-care, self-est...

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