I have been looking at my should's.

I realized last night that I have a lot of rules for myself and some of them may have medical evidence to back them up but a lot of them are just arbitrary rules I learned along the way.

I should be in bed by 10 pm and asleep by midnight. Why? I'm not tired then I get tired later like 2 am

I should be up and out of bed by 7 am. (my parents) I don't go to school anymore and have nothing to do all day why do I should I be up by then?

I should eat a big breakfast, a medium size lunch and a small dinner. Granted it makes sense but what if you can't afford it or are unable to prepare anything due to a lack of energy? My illness almost guarantees that I run out of energy quickly and when I push myself I need to take 4-7 days to get enough energy to do anything again.

These are just a few of my should's. I've decided that every time I think "I should" I will stop and look at what that should is and rather it fits me and my life.

Things like I should brush my teeth twice a day, shower every day, and exercise 3 x a week all have valid medical evidence to back them up but they are also arbitrary society rules made up by god knows who, probably big business, to sell stuff. They deal with the seemly common fact that body odour and being overweight are both bad things. I am not convinced of that but what do I know? They are just not much of a priority to me.

I should sweep my floor, do my dishes and cook every day. Uhm I barely have the energy to get dressed most days. Plus I am alone here and I don't make a big mess, that only happens when my grandchildren come to visit.

I guess that is enough for today, I'm making myself even more depressed than I was before I started writing this. The gist of it is that I am looking at the rules I live my life by and re-evaluating them.

Comments

My Birthday Trip- Day 4

Today is Ferry Day! I am not talking a ferry like the one in Toronto, this ship was huge! I guess it would have to be to hold 18 wheeler's plus dozens of other cars. The Chi-Cheemaun runs between South Baymouth on Manitoulin Island and Tobermory on Bruce Peninsula. It moves passengers and their vehicles between the above two points a few times a day. E got a business call when we were leaving the Ferry and he got pissy cause he's on vacation and still they called him. Anyway that meant that he left the ferry and the Port too quickly for me to speak about what we were supposed to do next or rather what I wanted to do first. After he calmed down a bit I asked him if we could go back and get tickets to take a ride on a glass bottom boat. We turned back and found the Blue Heron company that did the tours. We booked a tour instead of the explorer tour but that was because I was in pain after a fall during the morning. While we were waiting for the ferry we went for a walk to see...

My Birthday Trip- Day 3

We started early because we needed to get to the Preserve before dark as absolutely no white light is allowed and that includes car lights. We stopped at the Anishnabe Trading Store, where I met this fellow. From the outside it didn't look that big but inside it was huge. As you can see behind him there is a lot of stuff. We also stopped at the Iroquois Cultural Centre. Being in there was deeply moving like being in a holy place. I didn't get any pictures because it felt wrong to do so. We stopped at Bridal Veil Falls. The climb down wasn't too bad but the walk back up was murder on my lungs. This was taken about half-way down I think. I had planned to sleep in one of these but I'm glad we changed our mind, the teepee doesn't have a floor. Instead we stayed in a bunkie. Two rooms and no heat, also no running water or indoor toilet so we had to use a outhouse. That wouldn't have been so bad but the outhouses were set 25 yards or so from the bunkie. Not fun wh...

Rest Assured I'm still here

Albeit tired in a way I can not describe well but I will try. November was a quiet month with very little going on and was just what I needed after such a busy summer. I am still feeling off but that may have been because I had what I think was a mini-stroke just at the end of November then December brought GD#3 back full-time. The shakes are steadily getting worse and the headaches are back. It has been awhile since I felt so tense and afraid. It could just be a stress headache but I keep coming back to the massive one I had the night before I got checked out for the stroke. It frightens me but it shouldn't I used to get them a lot last winter, it's because our radiators blow warm, dry air and it dries me out. The thing is even drinking water does not seem to help much. My guess is that I am very dehydrated from the heaters, with the added stress of Christmas and GD#3, all of which add up to "I don't feel so good". Add the mini-stroke stuff and winter arriving a...

No Idea

Search This Blog