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I have been looking at my should's.

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 I realized last night that I have a lot of rules for myself and some of them may have medical evidence to back them up but a lot of them are just arbitrary rules I learned along the way.

I should be in bed by 10 pm and asleep by midnight. Why? I'm not tired then I get tired later like 2 am

I should be up and out of bed by 7 am. (my parents) I don't go to school anymore and have nothing to do all day why do I should I be up by then?

I should eat a big breakfast, a medium size lunch and a small dinner. Granted it makes sense but what if you can't afford it or are unable to prepare anything due to a lack of energy? My illness almost guarantees that I run out of energy quickly and when I push myself I need to take 4-7 days to get enough energy to do anything again.

These are just a few of my should's. I've decided that every time I think "I should" I will stop and look at what that should is and rather it fits me and my life.

Things like I should brush my teeth twice a day, shower every day, and exercise 3 x a week all have valid medical evidence to back them up but they are also arbitrary society rules made up by god knows who, probably big business, to sell stuff. They deal with the seemly common fact that body odour and being overweight are both bad things. I am not convinced of that but what do I know? They are just not much of a priority to me.

I should sweep my floor, do my dishes and cook every day. Uhm I barely have the energy to get dressed most days. Plus I am alone here and I don't make a big mess, that only happens when my grandchildren come to visit.

I guess that is enough for today, I'm making myself even more depressed than I was before I started writing this. The gist of it is that I am looking at the rules I live my life by and re-evaluating them.

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