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Depression

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 I have mentioned that I have Dysthymia. 

What is dysthymia? Dysthymia is a milder, but long-lasting form of depression. It's also called a persistent depressive disorder. People with this condition may also have bouts of major depression at times. Depression is a mood disorder that involves your body, mood, and thoughts.

Body, Mood, Thoughts

Body: Hurts, involuntary muscle twitches, hands shake, head aches

Mood: None, no fucks given, no joy or anger to be found.

Thoughts: Blank unless I am cursing my body.

all of this equals Major depression.

I started this entry in the hopes that I would be able to create some kind of plan to get myself back to myself but the headache is just getting worse and I feel tiredness pulling at me. I may have to wait it out a little longer. NO that is the depression talking. I know that and still I just want to stop trying. Just stop and hold still for a little while longer.

Maybe disappear into a thc haze for a few days. Or go back to sleeping 12 hours a day. Something, anything to avoid dealing with whatever the root cause of it is. This is not like the Dythymia, it is like a heavy blanket holding me down, smothering any spark I have left.




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