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Escape

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 I can't shake the feeling I am going to be homeless soon and I don't know that I am ready for that.

Why do I feel that way, I'm not sure but I have the feeling just the same. It seems that troubles keep piling up and I can hardly breathe for all the things I feel responsible for. 

I am not supposed to be responsible for anyone or anything except myself, supposed to be so. I cry a lot inside myself, the dythymia is jumping all over the place, some days I feel manic other days it's a chore to get out of bed.

Stuff comes out of my mouth that I would not say if I were in my normal mindset  and the cloying air chokes me. I go off on people for no real reason except that they have said or done something to piss me off. The worst part for me is seeing myself do these things and being unable to stop myself.

This is my third iteration of myself or maybe the fourth and I do not like myself but it feels like I have stuff from a long time ago cropping up and I get that person was a lot different from me now. I want to get through this and become someone strong and maybe likeable.

Tears are close my throat is closing up.

I really need an electric bike and a tent, I need to get away from everyone and everything around me so I can figure out who the hell I am and what kind of life I want to live and that kind of solitude sounds great to me

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