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 So it is almost mid summer, tomorrow in fact. Should I celebrate the longest day of the year? I'd love to but I do not have a place I can do that. I seldom regret that I don't own a house but really I'm 63 what would be the point except as something to give my kids to sell when I die.

Still I miss being able to decorate the front porch for what ever holiday was up next, I miss being able to have a barbecue and a bonfire on the back patio. Sometimes, like today when such an important sun day is coming but other than that I can do without the hassle of home ownership.

An in-law apartment somewhere yeah I could do that and gladly but a house with all the maintenance stuff uh uh.

I need to figure out who I am again, or  I can  just do what I please as I please and see where it takes me. I'm afraid that will make me an enemy of some dangerous people but I really don't care. They want respect they gotta show others respect, I've tried but all I seem to do is clean up after them.

I want to take out a can of spray paint and paint a message for all to see. "Respect the Earth, clean up after yourself!" 'cept I might get in trouble for public mischief or something. Might do it anyway cause it needs to be said. I am still so mentally tired, I know it never goes away but I would like one happy day. A day when I feel alive and vibrant.

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