It started simply enough, a mistaken identity and a guilty conscience, many of you can relate I suspect. Since the person in question is a 12 year old female related by blood it might be even more understandable by some of you. It gave me a big shock I'll tell you, so much so that I went overboard, something I try not to do but it happens.
With tears in my eyes yet feeling like I was laughing not crying, the guilty conscience took control. I made a prayer and started the procedure to bring her some stability, except she likes things the way they are.
I inquired about a two bedroom in the building that wouldn't require me to pack everything up to move it, the only downside was that it was upstairs, I kinda like my first floor apartment, I've been here since a year after the building opened, I was next door before that. That aside I though two bedrooms so we both get some privacy and quiet away from each other and I can make sure she goes to school and gets fed.
That it was some $466 bucks more than I am paying I figured with the child tax credit and stuff would cover the difference and I would be fine. I waited, it's been about a week since I first made the inquiry.
During that time I found out a few things I wasn't aware of, things that make me think I can't help her to become better, more level-headed. Yeah as I wrote that I realize that I thought I could help her become more normal, I no longer think that is possible. Nor am I willing to put up with her verbal abuse of myself and everyone she comes into contact with including her poor dog.
I was beginning to lean that way already but a couple things happened that completely put paid to it. Yeah laugh it up "E", I don't want to hear any "I told you so's". So what happened...
Well within days of my making the request to my landlord, her and a bunch of her friends when racing through the building making a lot of noise. That seems minor but considering the other residents in this wing it was a very not nice thing to do. That is minor but it should have warned me that I couldn't deal with her. That realization came later.
On the first and second of February, I went through a couple of real bad pain days which side-lined me, a couple of days after that my usual chronic fatigue for February kicked in and I was sleeping a lot. I had begun to make enough supper for us to share and while she complained about it, she did eat it. Then around the 5th I woke up dizzy like having a hard time walking dizzy.
She was here and I asked her to keep an eye out and call 911 in case I fainted. I do not know what she said but for one thing she said, made me angry and I told her to leave. Basically she said she didn't care. After letting it stew in my head I told her to go home because I didn't want to be around someone who didn't care about others.
The next day when it happened again she asked if I was delusional because I had stopped to lean on the table by my desk until my head stopped spinning. I was shocked that she would say such a thing to an adult, I had told her I was dizzy and I called her a stupid child. I apologized for that, I'm not sure I should have. And I sent her home again after making sure she ate something.
Yeah I know I'm a softy but I am done being soft on her, it's time to kick in with tough love and she ain't gonna handle that well. Oh but there is more.
She came back later that night to pick up her crocs with a friend. I pretended to kick her in the ass for coming back after she had been sent away, I didn't connect but she did, hitting me on my still painful back with her croc. I told her to never do that again but she just left without an apology or anything. The rest of the night my back was in pain, not severe but it felt bruised, it still feels bruised.
Today I found out that she had got suspended from school seven times and was finally expelled from the school she was in up north, I didn't realize it had been that bad and I understand why GD#2 gave up on her and sent her back.
She has been to school perhaps 5X since returning in December. I guess she figures if she isn't there she can't get in trouble. The other thing is she had gone full bad girl when she is there and made many lives difficult. Her last stunt got one of her friends in trouble with her parents and stuck me with some voice time with the principle and the truant officer (is that's what its called, the police man who tries to keep the kids in school anyway.)
Today I didn't make her dinner because last night was leftover night and she didn't eat anything except a couple of freezies even though there was mac and cheese in the fridge for her. When I told her the fourth one was for me she called me selfish and left, she figured cause she asked for them they were all for her.
The rest of this I was trying to play my cards but she was freaking out at someone on the phone because a notebook had been taken from her locker. I think she called it a doom list or something, its a book where they call other people names and makes plans to hurt them. Yeah, full mean girl vibe!
During that conversation and one I had before I sent her home again I found out that that is the persona she has chosen to exemplify when she was at school and I am becoming aware of her use of it with her so called friends. She already has a bad rep and she has only been there since just before Christmas break. Fellow students are trying to get her expelled.
That was the final straw for me, I am not a mean person and I do not like bullies. Does she have reason for her behaviour perhaps but she actually tried to bully me. I was upset when she said I wasn't her grandmother, I could accept that as posturing but to then saying I was just some homeless person she brought home to be her slave and calling me slave just hit me wrong. After her hitting me last night I was already annoyed. That last thing was unacceptable and I warned her that I wouldn't feed her any more nor would she be allowed to come here any more that I would disown her.
I don't think she understood what I meant but she will, from now on she is just another homeless person begging at my door. Also though I didn't say it I will no longer be holding my words in. This girl has to learn which means I need to throw her to the wolves so to speak.
I am hoping with this decision some of my depression will lift. I hate not being able to help anyone my own blood especially but I am so done.
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