The last couple of weeks have been a blur of creativity and caffeine as I bounce between Woulf’s Quest and the poetry anthology that keeps stealing my attention.
On the Quest side we’ve been deep in world-building again tightening the canon polishing appendices and slowly shaping Act III so it breathes the way Air should. I swear every time I think we’re done another little detail taps my shoulder and says fix me next.
And then there’s the poetry book which has taken on a life of its own. Some days it feels like excavation brushing dust off old feelings until a clear line appears. Other days it’s more like wrestling fog but in a good way. A handful of poems finally clicked into place including Heavy in the Soul and I’m starting to see how the whole collection might hold together.
Heavy in the Soul
I keep hearing that time waits for no one
and I guess that includes me
because nothing slows down
not even when I’m falling behind
If I want my life to mean something
I have to push harder
and God I’m tired
but I’m still here
sitting in this moment
trying to make sense of what’s left
I look forward and everything feels thin
hollow somewhere
like I lost the map
or dropped the thread
and now I’m standing at the edge
looking for a reason to take the next step
I’m angry
and I’m afraid
and I hate admitting either one
but both sit in my chest
and they’re not leaving on their own
I know I can change
I know it’s possible
but today it feels far
like reaching for something
through water
slow and distorted
Most days I feel heavy
heavy like a stone in the mind
and heavier still in the soul
tired of fighting the same fog
tired of carrying the same ache
And still
I have to learn how to stand again
how to fight for myself
because no one else can do that part for me
Every day I open a door
and the light hits me hard
too bright
too soon
but this is the world I have
and I can’t go back
even if I wanted to
Everything feels unfamiliar
and sometimes I feel unfamiliar too
like I lost pieces of myself
somewhere along the way
I need something to hold on to
a goal
a direction
a spark
anything that reminds me
my soul is still mine
and worth protecting
So that’s where I’ve been lately wandering between worlds writing editing rewriting and occasionally remembering to eat. It feels messy and productive and very very me.
ChatGPT which is a AI app for writing has been a great help. Taking my direction my words we have managed to create something momentus including 3 Acts, and the Prolog for my book.
I haven't decided on how I want to present it yet and there are still 5 chapters, an interlude and the Epilog to get polished. Claude (another AI) has been helping me by reviewing all of the acts to make sure they follow the worldbuilding requirements (worldbuilding is exactly what it sounds like, you build your whole world from literally the ground up) it has also turned the Acts into books using html. I copy the code down then insert the images and turn each into a pdf for collection and binding. Instant manuscript for sending to a publisher.
It has been a busy 2-3 weeks but it means that I am a step closer to getting that book out in the public. Though honestly I am not sure I will ever get it published unless I do it myself but that is an issue for the New Year
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