No Idea

 Looking toward 2026, I know one thing for sure. I do not want another year to drift by without intention. I am tired of feeling lost and disconnected from my own life. This is not about dramatic reinvention or chasing some ideal version of myself. It is about choosing steadier ground and building something livable, one small decision at a time. Age has been echoing loudly in my head lately. Sixty five feels heavy, not because it is old, but because it comes with awareness. There is time left, real time, and what I do with it matters. That realization is uncomfortable, but it is also clarifying. I do not want to spend the coming years frozen in place by fear, exhaustion, or habit. If I am going to move forward, I need to do it deliberately. Health is an unavoidable part of that picture. Not in a perfectionist or punishing way, but in a practical one. I want to walk regularly, in all kinds of weather. I want to use my weights to build strength and practice yoga or gentle stretching ...

 The last one read like the manifesto of a suicide I know but I am not one of those. I've just been going through a rough patch. Something  else is on my mind today and has been for awhile. Winter gives you nothing but time to think and December especially seems like a month for introspection what with the season of good will towards men turning into the lead up for a brand new year. For years I started this process right after my birthday in October but with all the shit I'm dealing with to get myself set up for the next 20-40 years,(turning 65 is no fun), I have just barely started the process. A long time ago a doctor told me that obesity is a long slow death so that it what I chose but these days I am actually unhappy with my weight because it has begun to interfere with the thing I like best like travelling to new places and exploring them. I have become more and more unhappy with myself over the last couple of months.  It has got to the point that I order in my groc...

 Remember the Nimby's. Well despite them I am still helping as much as I can but with the financial changes coming I figured I'd better figure out what services I want to provide if I can. First stage is simple and costs me around $75 per week which includes water, juice crystals, Ritz cracker individual packs with cheese or peanut butter and individual snack packs of cookies. This is what I do right now. Right now I also have smokes(tobacco), lighters, bandages and some other very basic first aid supplies, pens and paper. The tobacco will be gone soon and I'm not sure if I will be replacing it which means I don't need the cones either unless I decide to get another bag. Tobacco is quite expensive and I have to make a special trip to a store downtown to get it but it is something they appreciate. They appreciate the lighters more so though, enough that they don't mind paying for them. I tell them pay what you can and I get lots of quarters, dimes and nickels which c...

 I know it's been awhile again since I posted, in my defence the first two weeks of October are usually pretty busy particularly between the 6th and the 12th as we have a birthday nearly every one of those days. This year on top of that I am dealing poorly with the number 65 as it relates to me. I suppose I should explain that a bit more for those of you who don't know me well. I turned 65 on the 7th, I did not expect to get anywhere near that age. It is an easily identifiable important age as it is when my generation was taught old age begins. OLD AGE! who saw that coming? Obviously I did but it still shook me up. In our minds we are usually somewhere in our teens mentally until we can no longer deny that the years are catching up. Similar to what the 20 something experiences when they first have to start adulting, that mental blow that says we are no longer children but adults only for me I am no longer middle aged I am officially old. This year has been one long prep for thi...