Renew — Maybe It Isn't About Being New

I know Sunday is supposed to be a rest day, but honestly I feel like I'm failing myself because this post isn't ready to write. Tomorrow is the end of August, today starts the crossover week and, while I'm willing to allow myself some leeway because of how busy this month has been, I would still really like to get caught up.

Maybe the problem is that I haven't been able to figure out what Renew is supposed to look like.

I came home to find that one of the tenants I liked had died a couple of days before. There was a tent trailer parked in the as-yet unfinished parking lot and my house was a mess. We'd taken out the garbage and stuff before we left, but I hadn't swept or mopped and it showed. Even a week later, some of it still isn't done.

Then I got a notice that I need to renew my OHIP and Ontario ID cards before my birthday.

That got me thinking. Maybe renew isn't about making anything new. Maybe it's about updating something so it can continue working. The government seems to think so. Update a photo, pay a fee and continue on, life mostly unchanged.

BTW, that tent trailer eventually ended up parked right in front of my window. The couple and their dog seem okay, but this neighbourhood hasn't been kind to them. They weren't here by choice and they seem like decent people, but because of the neighbourhood some people assumed they must be trouble. Then, because it is this neighbourhood, the trailer got broken into. At least they weren't home.

Cops and ambulances and parties outside my bedroom window at three in the morning are part of the deal here. It's not the best place in the world to live, but it is home to me. Then there are the other sounds. A rainstorm, a child's laughter, even the sound of my neighbours sitting outside enjoying the air, which is surprisingly rare here. Those things don't make anything new. They're simply things I like about being here.

I've been dealing with fatigue and some physical issues. I'm behind on my posts and my housework and there are all kinds of things I haven't caught up on yet. Strangely enough, though, I am starting to feel comfortable in my life again.

I went to aquafit the first Monday I was back because I missed it. On Friday I went back to the Y and finally got the financial stuff sorted out so all five of us can use the facilities without any issues. I ended up getting a good deal too, more than 50% off what I had expected to pay. That renewed a little of my belief in the system I live within. Sometimes things actually do work.

Then I went to Ribfest with my family because I'd promised myself I would. I spent an ungodly amount of money on a rib deal, but when I got home there was enough food to feed three people for three meals, and I always feel good about feeding my boys.

It was worth it for another reason too. It was nice seeing ordinary people in this town out having fun, listening to music, eating too much food and enjoying what felt like one big neighbourhood BBQ. It kind of renewed my faith in the city. Mind you, if I were a more political person I could come up with a few changes to how Peterborough is run.

But it's all part of the whole thing I call my life.

I think I was putting too much emphasis on the new part of Renew. The things that refresh me don't make me new. They're things I like, things I miss when they're gone and things I keep returning to because they're right for me.

Maybe that's closer to what renewal actually is. Not replacing what was there, but doing whatever needs doing so it can continue. Apparently my OHIP card needs a new photo. My YMCA membership needed sorting out. My faith in my city needed a neighbourhood BBQ. And I needed to come home and start finding my way back into my ordinary life.

None of it is particularly new.

Tomorrow is still the end of August. I'm still behind, the floors still need cleaning and September is going to arrive whether I've caught up or not. But the post I was worried about when I sat down this morning is finally written, and perhaps that's part of it too.

I don't feel new, but I am feeling more like myself.

And I think that's what Renew looked like this week.