International Functional Neurological Disorder Awareness Day 13

 

Time

 I've missed a couple of days because I am not feeling well at all. I want to blame the rain but that I think is only part of it.

I do not like where I am in my head right now so I figure if I write it down maybe it will stop bothering me.

E once again denied me permission to move back in with him even though he says that he misses me when he is back there. At this point I have had enough, he says he loves me but that is not shown in his reactions.

I am aware that I really don't have the right to live with him and I understand that after I left twice he doesn't trust me but if that is so why does he not just kick me out of his life once and for all.

I have tangled him tight in the family drama I live with but he is more than capable of backing off and going his own way. Some days I wish he would, other days I don't know what I would do without his financial protection especially when it come to medications and stuff. I would manage without the phone I think as that is the major hold he has over me, he pays my phone bill.

I am a kept woman just not a well kept one and until recently I accepted that. Until recently I was happy for that but these days... I feel trapped in a place I do not want to be in, a town I do not want to be in, a life devoid of meaning for the most part. The tears always seem close and I do not cry often.

Last night between E and Nessa I felt like I had no control over my life at all, merely pushed by one or the other in the direction they want to take me in, no thought if I wanted to be where they want me to go.

tears, tears and more tears as I sit here and try to figure my way out of this situation. My whole mind and body say run but that takes money and mine is all spoken for at least until January of next year because of the stupid Adobe stuff. Do not ever sign up for one of their packages you are stuck with it for a whole year unless you are willing to pay some kind of penalty amount, which I might just do to have it gone but again money I don't have.

I have been giving some thought to getting the hell out of here, just hop a bus and see how far I can go before I run out of money but that means leaving bills unpaid. Some of course I can cancel at any time like the internet but again that stupid adobe stuff...

I am hesitant to post this but E says he likes to know where my mind is at and what I'm doing, so here you go E, make of it what you will. I am too tired to fight and too fed up to stay still so if one day I don't answer the phone or call you back you will know I have left and I have no idea where I'm going to end up.

Its poetry month

 Embracing imperfection

Embracing imperfection, we find our true art,
In the flaws and the cracks, we reveal our heart.
For perfection is cold, rigid, and stark,
But imperfection is human, a light in the dark.

In the beauty of chaos, we learn to let go,
To embrace the unknown, to let our true selves show.
For it's in our mistakes, our quirks, and our flaws,
That we find our true beauty, our strength, and our cause.

So let us embrace imperfection, with all its grace,
For in its impermanence, we find our true place.
In the tapestry of life, we are but a thread,
Imperfect, yet perfect, in the story we tread.

International Day of Pink April 10

 

How to Observe International Day of Pink

Students, educators, parents, policymakers, and anyone who wishes to promote acceptance and equality can participate in the day. The simplest way to take part is to wear pink and to share the story about why you are doing so if given the opportunity. Encouraging others to wear pink is also important.

Some other ways to take part include:

• Sharing the International Day of Pink website.
• Sign up for the International Day of Pink newsletter.
• Donate to support the day.
• Download and explore resources for the day.
• If you are a politician or community leader, you can become a Day of Pink Ambassador. Send an email for more information on how to become one.
• Organize an event such as an office lunch, fundraiser, bake sale, speaking engagement, documentary film showing and discussion, or flash mob.
• Volunteer for a 2SLGBTQIA+ organization in your community.
• Attend the gala that The Canadian Centre for Gender & Sexual Diversity holds on the day.

Or you can wear pink which is what I will be doing. I will also looking into ways to volunteer as both I and my daughter and GS#1 need to get out in public more and volunteering is a way to do that.

It's poetry month

 I considered adding images for these poems but I think the words speak for themselves. A Place I Love and Metaphorical Journey are both done in free verse as it is always the easiest choice for me.

Seasonal Change

Here's a diamante for "winter to spring":

Winter
Cold, icy
Freezing, chilling, snowing
Transition, change, awakening, rebirth
Blooming, warming, flourishing
Spring

And here's one for "spring to summer":

Spring
Blooming, blossoming
Warming, refreshing, growing
Transition, change, evolution, growth
Brightening, warming, shining
Summer

Sadly my mind went blank when I tried to describe the changing of the seasons, this is as the AI made them. And yet it still managed to echo my own thoughts on the changes within the verses it truly is amazing.

The second poem prompt I have is: A Place I Love

In the evergreen haven, a child's retreat,
A peaceful, perfect playhouse, a quiet seat.
Beneath boughs of green, a sanctuary found,
A little fort, a haven, on peaceful ground.

Safe, serene space, solace from noise,
Nature's nurturing, a haven of joys.
A peaceful, perfect playhouse, a quiet seat,
In the evergreen haven, a child's retreat.

its instructions (just so you can see I don't always allow ChatGpt do all the writing for me): "when i was a child, there was a special place I went that was a safe haven for me. it was a clearing under a bunch of evergreens that was just the right size for a playhouse. I needed the space to rest from my loud annoying family , it was perfect and provided many hours of solace.  

I will leave the form to you but I would like you to use some alliteration and repetitive words to show the peace and comfort I found within my little fort. if possible keep the beats per line to 10" 

The third one today because it seems that is how many I missed with the other stuff I've been doing is : Metaphorical Journey

In the garden of innocence, we are born,
Pure and fearless, like a new dawn.
Our hearts beat with the rhythm of adventure,
As we dance through life's fields, without censure.

With each step, we climb higher, unafraid,
Conquering mountains, in the dreams we've made.
Like a river, we flow, unbounded and free,
Embracing the unknown, with unbridled glee.

But time is a thief, stealing our youth,
Leaving behind fragments, shadows of truth.
The mountains we once climbed, now loom tall,
As we navigate life's valleys, feeling small.

Like a flower wilting, we shrink and fade,
In the twilight of life, where shadows cascade.
Fear creeps in, a silent, chilling guest,
Robbing us of sleep, of peace, of rest.

Yet, in the dusk, there's a glimmer of light,
A reminder of the child, once bold and bright.
For in our hearts, the spirit of youth remains,
A flicker of hope, amidst life's strains.

So, let us embrace the journey, with all its fears,
For in facing them, we conquer our tears.
From childhood's fearlessness to old age's fear,
The journey is ours, to cherish and steer.

it's instructions: "Metaphorical journey using lots of metaphors describe the journey from childhood and fearlessness to old age and fearfulness"

Autism Speaks

 You might wonder why I advocate for Autism, it is simple my oldest grandson was born with it. It is hard to say because I can't completely blame his parents, not completely I could have fought harder for him.

He has reached the age of 15 without basic self care training. By my daughters choice he and his brother were not encouraged to become independant in any way until he reached this year and started having real difficulty dealing with high school.

His aroma can be quite pungent as he does not like showers and he can't really fit in the tub, he is about 5' 5" and over 150 lbs. One of the things that has occured to me since my daughter came to me to ask with help to get him to finish his education is that he can't learn what he isn't shown and our personal care could be much better. If we are to model the expected behaviour we have to make things like showering regularly as a necessity for us and through up to him.

I am designing a program that will allow him to complete his academic requirements as well as his RL needs and better prepare him for the next step. I have done this before for my GD#1. I forgot how much I like planning things like this. E will say is that why you don't have travel plans made yet? No!

Well, maybe... I have been learning Stable Diffusion and ChatGPT so that takes up some time, lets see what else am I working on right now?

1. my GS#1's education
   
2. two AI paths one for art and one for writing
   
3. photography
   
4. photo-manipulation (Photoshop)
5. my own Healthy Living
6. my own self-care 

This is not a complete list but I am seeing why my travel planning isn't happening and yet I don't want to quit any of it. I don't do well with planning my time this is known so each week I make a list of assignments in my journal and schedule them however the travel stuff was put on hold due to me being sick so I didn't do it figuring it would be a long time before we did any real travelling again. It kept being put off but I am quickly running out of time to plan and put into motion our plans for this summer/fall.

Double/triple dose of poetry tomorrow. I am worn out from waiting and seeing an eclipse and being social, cripes maybe I need the same kind of help he needs... naw I'm totally toilet trained. Sorry Nessa couldn't resist the poke.

World Health Day 2024, “My Health, My Right” April 7

The right to health is a universal right of all human beings, regardless of race, color, sex, language, religion, political or other opinion, national or social origin, property, birth, or another status. 

Below are three sheets which describe your rights to health care if you are female, disabled or other.