My Birthday trip- Day 1

 

 E has been bugging me to write this out. My birthday trip was fantabulous, there is no other way to describe it. I saw the Northern Lights and I saw all the stars in the sky, I fed goats and pigs and I sent a message via air phone to my parents. There is so much more to tell so lets get started.

Our intinerary:

Day 1: Midland/Sudbury
Day 2: Sudbury
Day 3: Manitoulin Island Eco-Park Dark Park
Day 4: Ferry/ Tobermory
Day 5: Writers Cottage
Day 6: Writers Cottage
Day 7: Collingwood (3 days here)

I was supposed to go to E's for a week as well but I was so anxious to do the cutting and pasting I needed to do and there is no place in his home for me to set-up and work, so I returned home.

Day 1: Midland/ Sudbury

We left home around 9 am or rather we intended to but we were a little delayed. As we were going out to the car a young man asked for a boost so we helped him out. Then we had to go meet GD#1 and pick up my birthday gift a lovely new journal. Then we headed out to Midland to visit with my baby sister and her family.

We didn't stop on the way there mainly because we were travelling at highway speed and I always saw them too late for Rob to stop. Once we got to Sandy's we chatted for awhile about computers or rather they did with E, then we went out to lunch. My plan had been to take Sandy alone but we ended up with both my nieces and my grand nephews. We went to a place called Stacked Pancake & Breakfast House where I had a Cornbread Chicken Waffle and a Smoothie. We talked about a lot and caught each other up.

Once we got them back home we headed to Sudbury and our hotel.

Along the way we went to National Nutrition to pick up a couple of bees wax candles for the bunkie (that's later). 

We also stopped at Muskoka Trading post and picked up a smudging kit. I was glad I did I only needed it once, the place was so sad but I digress. E was startled to see the lower price of gas within the Reserve.

We were spending the night at the Quality Inn in Sudbury. It was well suited for two people like E and I with three places to plug in.

We went to a place called Sizzle for dinner. It is a Mongolian Grill and they cook the food while you watch. It was a interesting place though I think next time I will put more liquids in my bowl as the noodles were kinda chewy. Definitely a experience I wouldn't mind repeating.

Before going back to the hotel to play our games we wandered over towards Dynamic Earth, it was very crowded so we didn't stay long. After some discussion we decided to skip Dynamic Earth and go to Science North instead.

My brain is Rice.

 I am so lost in my head

I almost wish I were dead

I can't figure it out

I want to yell and shout

Like swords in my mind

The words are not kind

They slice and dice

My brain into rice

I try to cry it away

It goes for a day

Then is back twice as strong

I try but it goes wrong

Every damn time

I don't mean to whine

I need some sunshine

Or better yet a new life

Free from sorrow and strife

A Lament

 Good Neighbour

A good neighbour lends a hand where ever they can
To each blown around grain of humanity

A simple smile or a sudden hug for no reason
So easy, a free expression of compassion

A cup of water or a 1 litre bottle
Can make a huge difference.

This is my lament
Why are people such assholes

To give a homeless person
A place to rest for an hour or two

Maybe the difference for them
Between dying quick or slow

A small helping hand
On a hot, hot day

So simple, so easy
Essentially forgotten

A blanket or a plastic bag
the difference between
a good night and a bad one

I could go on but the sadness is hitting me really hard. The landlords called the cops to remove some of the resters and I got into a disagreement with a police officer. Now I think he thinks I'm a dealer but thats ok he can spend the day out there if he wants, I will do what I want to do.

Canada Day in Ottawa

 Yeah!

What started out as a working trip has turned into a holiday for E so I am looking much more forward to it.

The plan as it stands now is that he will be here on the 28th, On the 29th we will be heading out to Ottawa. He asked me if there was anyplace I'd like to stop on the way. I haven't answered him yet but I will today.

Found several places of interest on the routes offered but which I get to see is for E to decide as he is the driver

July 1st: LeBreton Flats Park for the daytime ceremony, from noon to 1:15 pm (ET). The daytime ceremony kicks off the national celebrations with a look at our past, present and future. It underlines important anniversaries and themes while recognizing the diversity of our country. You’ll also have a chance to see the Canada Day Royal Canadian Air Force Centennial Flypast!

I had plans but due to a mis-step I ended up hurting my calve  which meant that I wasn't able to do nearly as much walking as I planned. 

Instead we stayed in the room until a couple of hours before sunset and wandered By Ward listening to the music and just enjoying a bit of outside. The energy was super.

While in the room we did see the snowbirds fly over and we certainly heard them. it was a simple v-formation close in to each other and then a small v with a few planes lagging behind just like the geese used to.

We saw some of the fireworks while walking up Rideau towards the residence but ended up watching them on you-tube, I was a bit sad by how short the time was but they were quite nice just the same

The weekend was actually very nice despite the screw up with my leg. 

If you get a chance to go to Ottawa check out By-ward Market. At the front is seating galore for the ones who just want to sit and feel the energy in the city. At the front of the building is a restaurant and a dessert place, when I am just chillin' I sat on the outside portion of the restaurant and as long as I had a bottle of pop or something else from the place they don't bother you. I don't recall its actual name I just call it the cafe.

Inside the building is some of my favourite clothing, it a little on the expensive side but the quality is well worth it

Meandering

 So it is almost mid summer, tomorrow in fact. Should I celebrate the longest day of the year? I'd love to but I do not have a place I can do that. I seldom regret that I don't own a house but really I'm 63 what would be the point except as something to give my kids to sell when I die.

Still I miss being able to decorate the front porch for what ever holiday was up next, I miss being able to have a barbecue and a bonfire on the back patio. Sometimes, like today when such an important sun day is coming but other than that I can do without the hassle of home ownership.

An in-law apartment somewhere yeah I could do that and gladly but a house with all the maintenance stuff uh uh.

I need to figure out who I am again, or  I can  just do what I please as I please and see where it takes me. I'm afraid that will make me an enemy of some dangerous people but I really don't care. They want respect they gotta show others respect, I've tried but all I seem to do is clean up after them.

I want to take out a can of spray paint and paint a message for all to see. "Respect the Earth, clean up after yourself!" 'cept I might get in trouble for public mischief or something. Might do it anyway cause it needs to be said. I am still so mentally tired, I know it never goes away but I would like one happy day. A day when I feel alive and vibrant.

Escape

 I can't shake the feeling I am going to be homeless soon and I don't know that I am ready for that.

Why do I feel that way, I'm not sure but I have the feeling just the same. It seems that troubles keep piling up and I can hardly breathe for all the things I feel responsible for. 

I am not supposed to be responsible for anyone or anything except myself, supposed to be so. I cry a lot inside myself, the dythymia is jumping all over the place, some days I feel manic other days it's a chore to get out of bed.

Stuff comes out of my mouth that I would not say if I were in my normal mindset  and the cloying air chokes me. I go off on people for no real reason except that they have said or done something to piss me off. The worst part for me is seeing myself do these things and being unable to stop myself.

This is my third iteration of myself or maybe the fourth and I do not like myself but it feels like I have stuff from a long time ago cropping up and I get that person was a lot different from me now. I want to get through this and become someone strong and maybe likeable.

Tears are close my throat is closing up.

I really need an electric bike and a tent, I need to get away from everyone and everything around me so I can figure out who the hell I am and what kind of life I want to live and that kind of solitude sounds great to me