No Idea

 I know it's been awhile again since I posted, in my defence the first two weeks of October are usually pretty busy particularly between the 6th and the 12th as we have a birthday nearly every one of those days. This year on top of that I am dealing poorly with the number 65 as it relates to me. I suppose I should explain that a bit more for those of you who don't know me well. I turned 65 on the 7th, I did not expect to get anywhere near that age. It is an easily identifiable important age as it is when my generation was taught old age begins. OLD AGE! who saw that coming? Obviously I did but it still shook me up. In our minds we are usually somewhere in our teens mentally until we can no longer deny that the years are catching up. Similar to what the 20 something experiences when they first have to start adulting, that mental blow that says we are no longer children but adults only for me I am no longer middle aged I am officially old. This year has been one long prep for thi...

 A NIMBY for those who don't know is someone who feels like the less privileged not be able to live or play anywhere near them. I live in a building with 41 other studio apartments / one bedrooms. My unit is in the back of the building and from it I hand out water and small snacks to the outsiders, (drug addicts and homeless persons).  NIMBY is an acronym meaning “Not In My Back Yard.” NIMBY refers to people who resist having potentially dangerous or disruptive projects carried out in their own neighbourhoods; they usually don’t object to those projects when they are carried out elsewhere. It is often used to call out hypocrisy and double standards.   I am not sorry for what I do and the outsiders who come see me are decent enough folks, (most of them anyway). Others and at this point it is only two others in the building who also face the back of the building object to what I do. They say I am enabling them. I don't think that way, I am trying to make their lot in li...

  Yesterday my eldest grand-daughter got married, its a new chapter in her life and in some ways her mama's and my life too. I am sad and joyful at the same time. My beautiful girl has clearly reached adulthood . I wonder where the years have gone. Time and tide wait for no one but oh I wish that just for a moment time would stop and rewind to when she was little. It's hard enough to accept how close my children are to their 50's but harder still to accept that my grand-daughter is now someone's wife.  My second oldest grand-daughter got married last year, there are still six more grand-children but they are still children and I suspect I will be well into my 70's before they get married. I know this doesn't make sense but GD#1's wedding feels like the closing of a book. I was having difficulty with the "I'm going to be 65 in October" but there is so much more happening this year. My second oldest niece is turning 30 and her sister will be 29, ...

 Have you tried the Meta AI with Llama 4 in Facebook Messenger. I only discovered it recently and today I decided to pretend it was a friend I could talk to about my Mental Health. It is interesting because this is the first thing I've done besides read and play my game in a couple of months. It always seems to go like that when the hot weather comes. I have no idea where I should start. With the meds I guess. I went off my medication sometime near the first of the year, I just could not connect with my doctor and I gave permission to the pharmacy to renew it but it's been a week. I am out of Ciprilex also known as Lexapro. The withdrawal symptoms are below and of the six of them I have experienced all of them.  https://www.verywellmind.com/lexapro-withdrawal-symptoms-timeline-and-treatment-4707910 I did this once already this year and I am not happy I'm going through it again. Medication has become a huge hassle, I keep forgetting to take the ones I do have.  It seems th...

 I am back on my medication, the last two months have been a wild ride if my writing is anything to go by. At first I felt light and airy like I finally had a purpose in my life. It changed quickly between the stress  of caring for this building and the yukyness of the weather. Even the visit to Rob's didn't help in some ways it made it worse because there was nothing for me to do but think. I no longer care about much of anything, that is what the medication does, puts a muffler around me so I feel nothing. I am trying to pack to move upstairs but it is slow going. I just can't find the energy or the interest. Today as I was working on the 5 x 5 I was thinking I don't care about any of this I should just give it away. Myles suggests doing a yard sale this year with me doing the posters and him doing everything else. I don't want to hang on to any of this stuff, none of it. Its all pipe dreams, things I'll never get to because I simply have lost interest in ever...

 bloody fucking shit. I come home to a mess outside with mattresses and box springs everywhere and broken branches stacked up between them. If I wasn't afraid I'd set something on fire I'd burn the lot of them. So no my brain gets a more creative idea and all I can think is that is what I should do. Make walls around the building using the shit they left here. I am so angry. I am going to block the driveway with the branches then build a fence using the springs from the mattresses and box springs they left earlier after the first thaw. It won't be pretty and I'm sure there will be complaints from everyone but I really don't care. They want to leave shit around this building then I'm gonna use that shit and make it difficult for them to put more shit around it. I suspect it won't last long but maybe it will give the people who are doing this shit some thing to think about.  I don't understand why they have chosen to make our building the centr...

 I am so lost right now. I do not even know what I want from them. Maybe to take some of the responsibility from me. But no one can do that. They are right I need to talk to him. to find out where he is with the disability and the child tax credit and everything else. I don't know what he has done or not done, I do not even know why I am leaning on Nessa to help him out when I don't even know what  kind of help he needs. I do not know what is going on in my head. I do not understand anything I've said or why it makes me cry. I keep looking for the beginning of the conversation. I don't know how to copy it all down so I can figure out what went wrong. "Don't forget I've food at my house. You're welcome to it." " True, I just hate waiting I don't have patience and I can't do a big grocery shopping until it comes. I think I may wait until you're home I don't know if I want to go there. Like I said  I don't want anything to do ...